And now, Junior Seau

Junior Seau was a star linebacker in the National Football League, and he died on Wednesday of a gunshot wound. Police are investigating the death as a suspected suicide.

Should this turn out to be a suicide, it would be yet another case of a former football player dying by his own hand; there have been several deaths of professional football and hockey players by their own hands in the past two years. Ray Easterling, Dave Duerson, Wade Belak, Derek Boogaard... In case after case, depression and/or dementia has been cited, and fingers are pointing to the after-effects of concussions. With players larger and stronger than ever before, the potential for serious harm grows - and people continue to say, "This is how the game is meant to be played."

What level of risk is acceptable in sport, from the perspective of Jewish law? Rav Moshe Feinstein was asked this question regarding professional athletics, and he wrote (Igrot Moshe Choshen Mishpat 1:104) that one may engage in sport for his livelihood even with a low level of risk, even a risk of danger to "one in thousands", but he did not elaborate further.

I grew up following the NFL and NHL and enjoying both immensely - as I write this, I'm listening to the start of the 3rd overtime in the Rangers-Capitals playoff game - but one wonders whether professional-level football or hockey have reached a stage at which Rav Moshe would have prohibited participation.

Anger Management

I send out daily Omer emails, and the other day I received some constructive criticism for a segment in my email for the 23rd day of the Omer:

The combined Sephirah for Day 23 of the Omer is therefore Gevurah sheb'Netzach, "restrained triumph", suggesting a powerful persistence which is employed with judicious restraint.

The comic books of my youth featured a villain named "The Juggernaut", who was an unstoppable force once he launched himself in a given direction. When we are young and less mature, there is a certain appeal to this apparent strength; we like the idea that when we set our minds to something, nothing will sway or distract us. This is actually a weakness, though; being uncritically hard-driving is likely to lead to mistakes. Keeping our strength in reserve for when it is warranted is a more mature, and more successful, path.


My correspondent suggested that use of comic books degraded the value of my message.

I'm not so sure. I agree that we should be careful that our medium not cheapen Torah's message, but I do think that popular culture can provide instructive examples, as well as a way for people to relate to Torah.

Case in point: The NBA playoffs, just a couple of games old, have already provided two such examples, for anyone wanting to teach a teenager about anger management.

First, Celtics star Rajon Rondo bumps a referee while protesting a foul call, getting ejected from the game, killing his team's rally (they lost the game), and getting suspended from the next game.

As ESPN.com reported:
The Celtics were seconds away from possibly salvaging an atrocious Game 1 playoff performance against Atlanta that highlighted so many of their usual deficiencies -- rebounding, lack of depth, poor transition defense, stagnant offensive sets, reverting to "hero" ball to force points onto the board -- when Rajon Rondo decided to really ratchet up his team's degree of difficulty. Boston's Young Turk got himself ejected from the game with 41 seconds to go and -- as a result of the one-game suspension levied against him on Monday for bumping referee Marc Davis -- has left his team woefully shorthanded for Game 2 on Tuesday in Atlanta. I really can't decide which was more disappointing: Rondo becoming unglued over a questionable call on a messy scrum for a loose ball, or his insistence after the fact he didn't bump Davis on purpose. Right. And Metta World Peace didn't see James Harden standing there when he leveled him with his elbow. Look, maybe Davis should have whistled for a jump ball before he called Brandon Bass for a foul. And yes, maybe Davis was a tad quick in slapping a T on Rondo after he approached him with a few choice words. Too bad. Maintain your composure. That's what great players -- and great teams -- do.

Then, last night, one of the Knicks' stars, Amare Stoudemire, followed up the team's loss by punching a glass fire extinguisher case, tearing up his hand:

Amare Stoudemire reduced himself to another A.J. Burnett, another Kevin Brown, another raging, self-absorbed New Yorker who put his own frustrations over his team's pressing needs. He cut up his left hand punching a fire extinguisher case after Monday's Game 2 loss to the Miami Heat, by far his most aggressive move of the night. After scoring the softest, least impactful 18 points a man can score in a playoff game, Stoudemire left AmericanAirlines Arena in silence with his hand heavily taped and his arm in a sling, and with security guards shouting for everyone to get back.

What, were the Knicks looking for an excuse for losing the series? As 680's Peter Gross reported this morning, Stoudemire's status for the upcoming games is unknown, but the fire extinguisher is day to day.

Movies for teens?

By the time I turned fourteen, I had seen all three Star Wars movies, Back to the Future, Short Circuit, Grease, Superman, Superman II, WarGames, Romancing the Stone, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Flash Gordon, and probably a few more movies the names of which escape me at the moment. My family didn't go to movies much, that I can recall, but I saw them in trips with my summer camp, or at birthday parties.

I won't deny that listing those titles brings twinges of nostalgia, but I can't see showing those to my kids.

First, there is the halachic issue of looking at certain things. The Torah warns us not to stray after our eyes, and that includes having a male see a female in states of undress. Even back in the sheltered 1980's, what passed for a PG in the theater would not Please Gd in halachah. This one is pretty straightforward.

More, though – Even if you could skip any given scene, a teenage boy is going to face enough of a challenge dealing with his sexuality within the bounds of halachah; do we need to feed it by promoting a world in which it's all around him, a world of strapless dresses and bathing suits, a world of jokes about appearances and sexuality, a world in which the music swells as the characters kiss?

Nope; I don't see it.

Do you?

Okay, I lack gravitas...

...I hope that revelation doesn't burst anyone's illusions about me.

Wow, does that feel good. Thank you, Dirk Nowitzki!

I grew up as a New York Ranger fan just a few miles from Nassau Coliseum when the hated New York Islanders were winning four Stanley Cups in a row in the '80s. I think that's why I am so thrilled about the Dallas Mavericks beating the arrogant Miami Heat for the NBA Championship last night.

Those Islander teams were entirely too good - Billy Smith, Mike Bossy, Bryan Trottier, Clark Gillies, Denis Potvin and so on - so the only thing we Ranger fans could do was accuse them of lack of class. [This charge coming from fans who chanted obscenities about Denis Potvin and domestic abuse... or who urged Flyers goalie Bryan Hextall to buy a Porsche because his predecessor, Pelle Lindbergh had been killed in a car accident in a Porsche... ah, the memories.] In some sense, we were the equivalent of Jews in the ghetto finding negative things to say about their powerful oppressors, regardless of how absurd or far-fetched, just to be able to say something at all.

It took me years of sports fanhood to overcome the memories of being a grade schooler and high schooler surrounded by fans of a team that won many more games, and many more titles, than we did. In the last several years, though, as I found very little time to pay attention to sports, the whole issue receded in my mind -

- Until there arose a team so arrogant, so classless and yet so talented, that it was the New York Islanders of the '80s all over again, and for real. Who cares if it was the wrong sport, and it revolved around a player [Lebron James] I had admired until then for his work ethic and humanity? Conspiring to join forces as though three powerful players could constitute a team, declaring themselves a dynasty before they had won a single game, celebrating and partying on an international stage - yes, I was good and ready to despise them.

Humility is good, Lebron, and it doesn't come from saying, "I'm humble," as you like to declare. It comes about when you suffer humbling experiences.

So now that Dallas has dispatched the Heat, I'm feeling pretty good. Is it beneath me? Probably. File it under indulging my inner child.

Roger Neilson says: Count the Weeks!

[This week's Haveil Havalim is here!]

During my trip back to New York for Pesach, I had a chance to look through some of the many, many newspaper clippings which once lined my bedroom wall. One caught my eye, from the New York Times of November 20, 1989: “Rangers Top Neilson Ratings”.

This was a long time ago, in NHL years – the Rangers had played the Hartford Whalers ע"ה the night before, and the next night they would play the Winnipeg Jets, also ע"ה. One of their recent victories was against the Quebec Nordiques, also ע"ה. They were listed as first in the NHL’s Patrick Division – you guessed it, also ע"ה. And they were coached by Roger Neilson, who has also since passed on.

Worth noting: Coach Neilson is credited with furthering ice hockey in Israel, by opening up a branch of his summer ice hockey camp in Metula. There is now an annual hockey tournament in his memory, in Israel. I don’t know with certainty that he was Jewish, but it's a good bet he was.

In any case, the article begins by noting, “Roger Neilson, the coach of the Rangers who spends his rare idle minutes breaking down game video tapes, spends most his many working hours encouraging his players to break down their season. He likes to analyze the season in segments of 10 games…”

In other words, as reflected in the article itself: Instead of looking at where the team is based on the overall season, the players look at how they are doing in the current ten-game set. This reflects their current play more accurately, it can keep a time from resting on laurels from the earlier months of the season, and it can provide hope as they look past early failures.

I found the same concept in the breakdown of 49 days and 7 weeks for the Omer count from Pesach through Shavuot. We are taught to use this as a period of growth, and we number each day based on where it is in the overall 49, as well as what day it is within a given week of the Omer. As in, “Today is the 12th day – which is 1 week and 5 days of the Omer.”

Certainly, there are many lessons in counting both days and weeks, but one of them is this: We don’t only look at where we are in the 49-day “season”, we also look at each seven-day increment. The past is gone, the present is my responsibility. If I can accomplish some growth in these seven days, then I will be able to consider this week a success.

Thanks, Roger. [And no, that title wasn't a Steve Weeks joke. He was gone from the Rangers before Roger arrived.]

Entertain us!

[This week's Haveil Havalim is here]

I've written quite a bit about the phenomenon of talking in shul - two of my favorite posts were in the summer of 2008, here and here - but a few weeks back, a two-second tableau gave me a new thought.

A child, somewhere around 10 years old, had just finished watching a video in a child-oriented, game-filled public facility (situation anonymized to protect child and parents), and he instantly declared to his parents, "I'm bored!"

The kid was surrounded by things to do, and people to do them with.

He hadn't tried to engage himself in anything. He hadn't worked at anything.

He just wanted to be entertained, and when the entertainment stopped, he was bored.

Watching this, I wondered: Is this the shul problem? Is it as simple as the fact that we anticipate, and feel entitled to, entertainment, so that the moment we are not entertained, we turn to others in the hope that they will fill our need?

We keep multiple windows open in our browsers while at work, so that we can take frequent breaks for entertainment.

We have Ipods and Iphones, as well as the old stand-by books and radio and tv, to fill in every moment with chatter and comedy.

We eschew privacy and quiet personal time, in favor of screens populated by those who will make us laugh or cry. How many people are left who just sit and think for any period of time?

Nirvana said it - "Here we are now, entertain us!"

I've blamed the shul decorum problem on a whole host of other factors - long davening exacerbated by a multiplicity of mi shebeirachs, synagogue layouts that place people in close proximity for hours at a time, lack of education on the power of silent tefillah, lack of a nucleus of silent daveners, distaste for intensity, lack of depth in the approach to mechanistic ritual, and so on. And all of these are true and real.

But at its core: Are like that pre-adolescent kid, seeking entertainment? Is it that simple?

Lesson from the Super Bowl: Hidden Yardage

[This week’s Haveil Havalim, hosted by the incredible Jack, is here]

On the way to the beis medrash for night seder on Sunday, I caught a few minutes of the Super Bowl on the radio. [After the Jets were knocked out two weeks ago, I wasn't going to spend real time on the game...]

The announcers repeatedly emphasized “hidden yardage” – yards that one team lost, or the other team gained, indirectly. Penalties. Mistakes on plays. Dropped passes. These moments change a team’s field position, or turn the ball over to the other side, in ways that are not necessarily obvious. [Note: This is not the technical usage of "hidden yardage" expressed by Bill Parcells and others. For more on that term, see this page.]

Shuls have their hidden yardage, too, as they try to build their communities:
• The person who calls the shul office to find out about the area before moving in, and is given a cold reception

• The family who comes to the shul for the first time, and can’t find the restroom or the women’s entrance or the library because of poor signage

• The woman who wants to come to classes, but doesn’t receive clear or attractive publicity material

• The man who has been stopping in to say kaddish for years, but has never been greeted with a warm Hello by the people who are there

• The family who stopped paying dues because of economic hardship, and who were simply dropped from the rolls instead of being called by a concerned person who might have arranged for them to stay on, or even to receive a loan (for their needs, not for the dues) from the Rabbi’s Benevolent Fund.

Building a community requires looking for these opportunities, leaving nothing on the table.

One shul president of mine called these “low-hanging fruit,” a different analogy for the same phenomenon. There is so much we can do to build, if only we take advantage of these opportunities. It’s up to us - rabbis, shul presidents, boards, congregations - to do it.

[PS We certainly have hidden yardage in our lives, too – at work, in our families, in raising children, and so on. We miss opportunities to resolve disputes. We respond harshly when a soft tongue would have accomplished more. We squander chances to get together with family and friends. But that's a post for another time.]

Satire Wire returns

I am thrilled that Satire Wire is back!

Ten years ago, Satire Wire had the best comedy on the Net - but then site-owner Andrew Marlatt quit. As he posted on the homepage, "Citing creative differences, SatireWire's founder and sole employee, Andrew Marlatt, announced in August of 2002 that the site would no longer be updated." And all I could do was read old posts like, "Gd names next Chosen People," "Remaining US CEOs make a break for it" and "Religious merger creates 900 Million HinJews", and wish The Onion could one day be as funny as Marlatt.

Well, now they're back! To check out two of their latest, go see US Apologizes for Biden's 'Hu's on first' routine and Tired of Favre, Gd Collapses Metrodome.

Eminem and Commercial Jewish Music

On my long Sunday evening drive, I listened to a 60 Minutes interview with Marshall Mathers, aka Eminem. It was interesting to hear him talk about how he thinks about words all day, playing with rhymes and rhythm. I was fascinated by his take on pairing words with "orange" – he denied the standard view that nothing rhymes with orange, and when challenged he proved the point, such as by dragging the first syllable so that the ‘n’ was almost inaudible (awwridge, practically), such that you could easily hear how it could rhyme with any number of words.

Most of all, I felt some measure of nachas (pride and satisfaction) in hearing the man talk about where he is now, his new strength, his role as a father. He’s clearly still angry, hurt, dealing with pain and mistrust, but he seems to have learned to use it as fuel, and this may be an early step toward getting past it. No surprise, I like his recent “I’m not afraid”, although I can’t link to it because the laws prohibiting ניבול פה still apply…

In any case: Listening to Eminem talk, I was reminded of why I’ve always been drawn to angry music – think Shinedown, Linkin Park, Three Days Grace. On some level their anger resonates with anger inside me, and that’s one associaton, but on a deeper level it’s the passion the songs express. It’s authentic, less entertaining and more personal, less of a performance and more the embodiment of a soul, and so it has a beauty I don’t find in songs sung for the sake of selling CDs.

This is my frustration with much of the Jewish music being marketed today: To me, the music lacks passion.

As a people and as individuals, Jews have plenty of reasons to feel anger, as well as love and fear and pain and joy. The words of our music often carry these themes beautifully. But the feeling seems to be that of a synthesizer rather than a human being.

Many of today’s artists do have catchy rhythms and artful voices and meaningful words and dance-friendly tunes, but I just don’t sense that the singers are emotionally “into” the songs. With the exception of Shlomo Carlebach, and perhaps the Piamentas in their live work, I can’t remember ever hearing a Jewish singer have what seemed to be an authentic passionate, religious experience while singing. Mordechai ben David’s אנחנו מאמינים בני מאמינים is a great song when people sing it live – but the commercially recorded versions seem canned to me.

Have I been listening to the wrong Jewish singers – have you heard some who are like that?

Of Bobby Cox and Synagogue Rabbis

I once wrote, in my more glib years:

It seems to me that rabbis are like sports coaches – they rarely leave at the right time, but instead go on and on until someone comes with a crowbar and forces them out of their chairs on the mizrach vant.

This isn’t true of all rabbis, of course. Some rabbis die in the pulpit. Some rabbis retire, due to burnout or age. Some rabbis break the communal heart by leaving on their own.

But a remarkably high percentage of rabbis, disproportionate when compared to other fields, leave by "mutual agreement" – not mutual meaning agreeing with him, but rather that the board and the congregation mutually agree that it’s time to run him out of town.

The topic is no longer as humorous to me as it once was, thanks to the experience of actually retiring and of seeing friends change pulpits themselves. But the analogy to a sports coach is, I think, apt.

It’s hard for a coach to leave when he’s on top - when the quality of the team, the bond between the coach and the players, and the coach’s love for the game convince him that next season could be as wonderful as, or more wonderful than, the past season. And the same is true for a rabbi: When you’re on top, it’s hard to leave.

But if a coach or rabbi can retire while still in love with his team/community, then as painful as it is to separate – and I know this from experience - it’s far better than the alternative.

I thought of that comparison this past week, when Bobby Cox coached his last regular season games in Atlanta. I’m not much of a baseball fan – the game is as dull as watching grass grow – but having been in Atlanta over Yom Tov, I couldn’t miss the press coverage of the last week of the season. Coach of the Braves for the past 20 years (with an earlier four year stint), made the playoffs 15 times, Coach of the Year four times, popular and a Hall of Fame career (despite having only won the championship once), he has it all, apparently. And he’s going out on top, having just carried his team into the playoffs yet again.

Nicely done, Mr. Cox. כמוך ירבו בישראל.

Oh, and one more reason I love Coach Cox: His penchant for being tossed out of games. He holds the league record, having been ejected 158 times.

A few years back, Bobby Cox and one of his players were thrown out of a game, and the player asked him what to do. Coach Cox’s reply: ‘Go have a couple cold beers and get in the cold tub or something and relax. And then you’ll probably have to write a $500 check. Or you can do what I do, write a $10,000 one and tell them when it runs out, let me know.'

Gotta love it.

For want of an apology, a Pro Bowl guard was lost

Okay, who was right in the apology scenario described below - Robert Kraft, owner of the New England Patriots, or Logan Mankins, [soon to be former] New England Patriot?

About two weeks ago, Mankins and his agent Frank Bauer arrived at the Patriots training facility in Foxboro, Mass., with both sides intending and believing they would be able to hammer out a long-term deal similar to the seven-year, $56.7 million contract that Pro Bowl guard Jahri Evans signed with New Orleans in the spring.

Shortly before the deal could be consummated, the Patriots asked Mankins to apologize to Patriots owner Robert Kraft for comments he made in June, questioning the New England owner's integrity. Mankins did. He called Kraft, apologized and explained why he spoke out in the way he did. It was a nice conversation and it paved the way for Mankins' long-term deal to be consummated.

Then, about 90 minutes later, just before finalizing the deal, the Patriots requested Mankins issue a public apology. Not only did Mankins refuse, but he became offended, according to sources. The optimism that had been built, the momentum that the talks had generated, completed collapsed -- and even regressed.

Now Mankins no longer wants to play in New England, and the Patriots may be forced to trade him with no resolution in sight.

[Full story here. Mankins' original words regarding Kraft were: "Right now, this is about principle with me and keeping your word and how you treat people. This is what I thought the foundation of the Patriots was built on. Apparently, I was wrong. Growing up, I was taught a man's word is his bond. Obviously this isn't the case with the Patriots."]

Instinctively, I'd have said that Bob Kraft and the Patriots might be cutting off their collective nose, spiting their team's face. Sure, pride matters. And, sure, team discipline matters. But how far will you take that? We are taught that a person should be מעביר על מדותיו, should forgive his rights.

But, on the other hand, keep in mind Rabbi Yosi's words (Yerushalmi Bava Kama 8:7):
If one pursues forgiveness, what does the Torah say? ‘He will redeem his soul from passing into destruction.’
R’ Yosi said: This is true only if his sin was anything other than creation of a bad reputation. One who created a bad reputation for another will never be forgiven.

And add in the explanation of Rav Yosef Karo, citing the Terumat haDeshen (Beit Yosef Choshen Mishpat 420): Because perhaps someone who heard the slander did not hear the apology.

So perhaps I'd side with Mr. Kraft, after all.

Interesting thoughts, leading up to Yom Kippur.

Why does Cleveland hate LeBron James?

After listening to radio shows, reading articles, hearing from Clevelanders and watching clips from The Decision, I think I understand why Cleveland hates LeBron.

It’s not that he left; on some level, everyone understands that he had the right to make his decision about where to play.

It’s not that he left on national television; everyone understands the hype.

It’s not that he dissed his teammates and told them they’ll never win; lots of people thought that.

It’s not disappointment in his tacit admission that he lacks the Jordanesque talent to carry a team to the championship; he isn’t Michael Jordan, or Kobe Bryant, or Magic or Bird. He's just not that good or he's just not that tough, MVP or not.

It’s not the economic impact on Cleveland; everyone knows that if they want to point a finger for their economic woes, it should be at politicians, bankers and businessmen rather than the Cavaliers’ star forward.

I think it’s that LeBron’s radiating satisfaction with the decision. He seems so comfortable with his choice, so happy to be playing with his buddies, that he gives a sense that he made this decision long ago, that this was rigged from the start, and everything since the end of May was just playing out the string, leading Cleveland on, making fans look silly for stunts like this. Despite his statement that the verdict was not in until Thursday morning, a lot of people think he led them on.

Especially with his one-hour ESPN special, it feels like he led them on like Lucy talking Charlie Brown into taking a kick at the football (starts 36 seconds in):


Or it’s a girl leading a guy to think he can propose at halfcourt during an NBA game, only to reject him:


It's one thing to lose; it's another to be humiliated.

Is this really true? Did he make up his mind long ago? I don’t know. But I can’t see how he’s ever going to walk the streets in that town again. I’d lay odds he sits out the Heat’s games in Cleveland this year.

Happy Jerusalem Day, President Obama

Dear President Obama,

I hope all is well.

Normally, I receive greetings from you in advance of Jewish holidays, but this year I did not notice any message in honor of Yom Yerushalayim, Jerusalem Day. This made me realize that I have been remiss; I should be taking the initiative of sending you greetings in honor of the milestones of my calendar.

I’ll bet that, like me, you watched the trailer for Iron Man 2 a few times. I’ll further bet that, even more than me, you felt vicarious pleasure in seeing Tony Stark stick it to Congress when he declared, “I did you a big favor – I have successfully privatized world peace!” to a round of applause.

I believe that you sincerely think you are doing the world a big favor in your attempt to unilaterally bring about peace in the Middle East by imposing an agreement upon the Jews, Arabs and other inhabitants of the region. After all, think of the lives, the money and the effort expended on solving this problem since the dissolution of the Ottoman Empire!

And if the solution to ending this neverending battle requires the internationalization of Jerusalem, then so be it – right? Then there would be a real chance at peace – right?

But to me, Mr. President, the plan to render parts of Jerusalem judenrein, and to take the center of Jerusalem out of Jewish hands, is no favor. It is doomed to fail, and it is a stab in the heart of every Jew who believes in her heritage.

First, the obvious: It is doomed to fail. Terror existed long before Jews were able to live in East Jerusalem; Arab and Muslim animosity toward the West exists independently. Just ask the Chechens, or the bombers in Mumbai or Bali. Or ask Osama bin Laden when you find him – his campaign began not with Jerusalem, but with his hostility toward America-friendly Saudi Arabia.

And to the second point: Jerusalem is the heart of the Jew. To you this seems to be a matter of weighing life and security against a postage stamp-sized piece of land. You have not even bothered to make a trip to Israel to explain this to Jews there; you take it as obvious, apparently.

But that’s not what this issue means to me, and to millions of others.

Judaism teaches of two mountains: Mount Sinai where the Jews received their religious identity from Gd, and Mount Moriah where the Jews built their Temple to Gd. Mount Sinai had a one-time moment in the sun, and was never venerated by Jews thereafter. No Jews made pilgrimages to Mount Sinai. No Jews longed to see that place. But Mount Moriah remained sanctified for all time, in the hearts and writings of Jews of every generation for three thousand years.

From the sages of the Talmud in the Roman period, to Rabbi Saadia Gaon in 10th century Iraq, to Maimonides in Spain and Egypt in the 12th century, to Jews murdered by the Catholic Inquisition, to Rabbi Moshe Sofer of 18th century Hungary, Jews sang and prayed and lived the longing for Jerusalem. I'm sure you know that Jerusalem is a specific subject of prayer three times each day, and is also the subject of the blessing Jews recite after every meal. It has been so for thousands of years. It's a matter of basic identity.

I’m sure your advisors have told you about all this, and all of it has been outweighed by the desire to do us a favor - to privatize world peace and save lives, including my own.

But some things are more important to every human being than our own lives: Our children. Our spouses. Our identity. Our responsibility to other human beings, and to humanity in general. And our dignity, perhaps. Think of the soldier who jumps on a grenade, or the parent who slaves eighteen hours a day so that his children will get out of the slums, or the pauper who refuses to take a handout. We often sacrifice our lives for ideals.

My people has a long history of being slaughtered in the name of ideals, and this idealism is not a Jewish trait, it’s a human trait, and it should be comprehensible to all. Our heart means more than just the ability to live and breathe and eat and raise a family; our heart also means the ability to do all of those things as ourselves, true to our identities.

I woul never want to see anyone die for Jerusalem. I would never want to see any child, Jew or Arab, suffer the effects of war, when she could grow up in a healthy environment. I long to see the world promised by Isaiah, in which swords are rendered defunct.

In a sense, I, too, am Iron Man. As Tony Stark said, “The suit and I are one.” To follow the plot further, you may be right: The heart of the suit may be poisoning me. But don’t ask me to give up my heart and identity; I expect to keep both.

Happy Yom Yerushalayim, Mr. President. May we celebrate many more.

The Rebbetzinless Husband turns to music

[This week's Haveil Havalim is here]

Music is my drug; I got in the car this morning and turned it on, and Presto, instant mood change. I was nervous about a couple of things happening today (more on that below), a little tired, a little focussed on some of the projects I’m developing. But then the music kicked in, and the world suddenly turned on a better axis. [Song: “All we want” by Elias. Usually my first song after Lag ba’Omer carries some real or imagined portent, but not this time. I think.]

Every year the period from after Pesach through Lag ba’Omer is difficult for me; I have greater difficulty zoning out the world in order to write derashos and articles, focussing on a difficult Minchas Chinuch to develop a shiur, or calming down after a shiva visit, without the influence of shirah. The quality I produce really does drop; I can see the difference. But then comes Lag ba’Omer morning, and BOOM is it ever different. I feel genuinely good.

For other people the drug is television or movies, for some people it’s food, for me it’s drums and a guitar. I let it flow over me, and the effect is immediate.

Which is a good thing, because as of this afternoon I will be Rebbetzinless through Thursday night. The grand Rebbetzin is heading to the USA for work for the week [due to the benighted US patent disclosure laws governing international communication; long story], and I will be in charge of the kids, as well as the rest of my responsibilities. Breakfast, lunches to take to school, dinners, getting them going in the morning, cleaning up, doing dishes, you name it. We’ve hired help coming to watch the kids during shacharis and to babysit during night seder, but the rest will be my responsibility.

My honored wife has actually prepared things for me to the point where it’s as automated as it could be. Food pre-cooked for dinners, lists of which clothing the kids need for which days, reminders for nuances of the schedule… a document along the lines of theTransition Document I left behind for my pulpit successor last year, I suppose. She is very good to me.

So this week will be somewhat hectic. If this weren’t the day I got my music back, I might be nervous. To say the least. But not today. Today I got my music back.

“Rabbi, I think you’re a feminist!”

A few weeks ago I delivered a shiur on the role of women in settling then-Palestine in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, linking it to the midrashic (and later) praise of the women who emerged from Egypt and entered Canaan.

As part of that shiur, I re-capped the history of the female-founded institutions of that early modern age: The Women Workers Council, WIZO, Federation of Hebrew Women, the Sejera Collective, Women’s Organization for Cultural Work in Palestine, Kinneret Women’s Farm and so on. I contended that the pro-Israel tendencies of the women who emerged from Egypt were the spiritual forebears of those pro-Israel tendencies in modern women, even if the religious expressions of the different generations varied.

I also discussed the saga of women’s suffrage in that era, the debate as to whether the right to vote was a matter of halachah at all, and the ultimate resolution of that debate.

Afterward, a woman commented to me, “Rabbi, I think you’re a feminist!”

That conversation came to mind this morning, when I heard two (male) radio commentators discussing whether girls should be permitted to play on boys’ high school sports teams. They argued that should girls migrate to the boys’ team, that would perpetuate the inferior quality of girls’ sports and keep more girls from developing their talents. Better to keep the girls on the girls’ teams, and so elevate the level of their league’s play.

I was uncomfortable with this argument. I do think high school teams should be separate, but my arguments are about sexuality, not about the level of competition. The argument of “elevate the girls’ league” sounds like (1) wishful thinking, and (2) ex post facto rationalization by people who want to keep them gurlz out, rather than reasoned argument.

It kind of reminds me of the weaker arguments against ordaining women. There are substantive issues - tzniut, for example - but too often the debate is on less-substantive grounds.

Re: Sports - If the central decisive debate is really between the communal benefit of the girls’ league and individual benefit in a more competitive forum, I’d say to stop meddling. Let the girls play in the greatest forum for which they qualify, and quit the fence-building and social engineering. Do we force 55-year-olds to play in senior leagues in order to elevate the quality of senior play, or do we allow them to play in whatever league will take them?

So does that make me a feminist?

3-2, eh?

Okay, so the US lost the gold medal hockey game to the Canadians.

In overtime.

A measly one-goal differential.

After the US beat Canada 5-3 in an earlier game.

And after the US thrashed everyone else, beating Finland 6-1 in the semi-finals while Canada just squeaked by Slovakia (Slovakia!) 3-2.

But, yes, Canada took the gold medal. Fine. I can live with it.

I can even live with the guys who put a "We Won" poster on my door last night.

Especially with the following “Top Ten” list of responses to all of the “3-2, eh?” ribbing I’ve been taking:

10. I’m glad; this Olympic victory will definitely make our kollel even more attractive to prospective avrechim.

9. Okay, but when was the last time a Canadian team won the Stanley Cup? (Answer: 17 years ago, 1992-1993, Montreal Canadians – even though there are 6 Canadian teams out of 30 overall...)

8. The Olympics are treif Greek hedonism, anyway.

7. Great; hope that keeps you guys happy up here for the next four years or so.

6. The series MVP was an American! (Ryan Miller, and much-deserved I might add.)

5. Interesting to realize that only 2 members of the Canadian roster play on Canadian teams (Iginla and Luongo); the other 21 players are on American payrolls. Guess they really love the old Maple Leaf,huh?

4. Fine, you won, but you know that Sidney Crosby goes shopping at Target in the US, like every other Canadian, before heading home to Nova Scotia.

3. Does it really count as “owning the podium” if the US wins more medals than you?

2. And while we’re on the topic of medals, should we really be counting medals in Curling at all?

1. Huh? Was there an Olympics? I didn’t really hear much about it here in Toronto.

You just wait for Sochi…

5-3, eh?

The only thing better than the USA beating Canada in hockey at the Olympics...

...is living in Canada when the USA beats Canada in hockey at the Olympics.

Listening to the radio this morning, listening to the people at minyan this morning, it's amazing how American I've suddenly become.

All the build-up on the radio before last night's game, Canadian-on-the-street interviews with average, mild-mannered citizens coaxed into proclaiming, "Yeah, we're gonna beat them, eh! This is our game!"

Liquor stores closed in Vancouver yesterday evening, in anticipation of the need to control a rowdy Canadian celebration.

Don Cherry on his show this morning, ranting about the Canadian lines and penalty-killing.

Grumblers second-guessing Team Canada in shul at shacharis.

Radio announcers talking about how they need to stop obsessing over last night's game, and instead need to channel the spirit of the come-from-behind 1972 team.

Headlines like, "Canada in shock after ice hockey loss to the US."

Gotta love it. Happy birthday, Torczyner.

Things you don't want to hear your attorney say at a press conference

I’ve been very grim lately, I know. It happens, from time to time, and with the trauma of last week I think it’s understandable. But one of the side effects of this grimness is that when I read something even marginally absurd, I can’t stop laughing.

The item here, ‘Lawyer regrets calling prof ‘wacko’, restored my sense of humor tonight. Of course, the article’s catalyst was a horrifying and most un-funny set of murders, which makes me feel guilty for finding the piece humorous. Nonetheless, the article itself, with its record of comments made by Attorney Roy Miller about his client, Amy Bishop Anderson, compelled me to cull this list of “Things you don’t want to hear your attorney say at a press conference” :

1. Something’s wrong with this lady.

2. I just think the case speaks for itself. I think she’s wacko.

3. Good lord, y'all. Listen, I went overboard with that. When I talk to y'all I make statements ... I wish I hadn't have made. And probably that's one of them.

4. She knows she's killed some folks, I'm sure.

5. Doctors of biology "have got, in my estimation, high IQs -- and the high IQ in my opinion is sometimes not good for people."

I then went looking for video of Attorney Miller’s comments, just to be sure they were cited accurately. I didn’t find that, but I did find an interview with him here.

My favorite part is at 2:00-2:15 of the video, when he talks about Bishop’s incarceration: “She has no media access. I don’t know how she keeps from goin’ – getting’ worse, under those conditions.”

Good job, Attorney Miller, in keeping from saying the “w” word again…

…but if I were your client in a life-and-death case, I’d worry about your response to the question, “Where do you go from here?” (3:35):

“Today is Friday, the best day of the week, ‘cuz I want out of here and I want to get out of here and do something besides give interviews and work on the case.”

And, in closing, there was also a fascinating “My Cousin Vinny” moment from the interviewer (5:15):
“[She has been talking about] how the suspect pointed the pistol at her and repeatedly tried to fire it, and it was making a clicking sound – how does that work with a 9-millimeter semi-automatic? Y’ know, typically, it won’t sit there and cycle like that.”

To which Attorney Miller replied, "Me and you both!"

Shidduchim, and Conan O’Brien on Cynicism

[This week's Haveil Havalim is here]

A bit too much going on for a real post today, but here are two items that caught my eye recently and that I believe are worth consideration:

1. Mother in Israel has been running a series on Dating in Israel today, as her children move toward the age of shidduchim and dating and all of the challenges that come with watching our families create the next generation. Click here for the sixth installment, on Internet Dating in the Religious Zionist community.

This Shidduchim issue is not on my immediate horizon, but I still find it an interesting read. Of course, like most people, I entered the dating world wanting to be independent and do it without parental intervention and the general involvement of my seniors, but as I move toward that age and that role I begin to understand why it is so stressful to watch your children go through this stage, and why keeping Hands Off! is far easier said than done. So I can start to begin to somewhat relate to Mother in Israel’s situation.

[I remember when robotics and nanotech first started to make inroads in the popular mindset, and one of the big novelties was the thought that we could create machines which would, in turn, create more machines, which would, in turn, create more machines. This would, we thought, mean a major step toward the humanization of machines. In truth, though, the human aspect is not in the reproduction, it's in the way we do it. That humanesque threshold will be crossed only when those machines start creating Personal Ads, setting each other up, going to hotel lobbies and agonizing over their options, not to mention hiring caterers and videographers, before creating their progeny.]


2. And the second item is a CNN.com quote from Conan O’Brien’s last show, in which he holds forth on Cynicism and sounds somewhat like Rebbe Nachman:

“All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism -- it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere," he concluded. "Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen.”

Amen, Conan.