Feel the pain

I'm going to take a stab at explaining something about myself which really bothers me; based on R' Kluger's observation, I'm pretty sure others do it, too.

I hear about a tragedy on the news, let's say a shooting, and it hurts. But then I hear that the victim was in trouble himself, was involved with a gang maybe, and it hurts a little less. Take the collar bomb story from a while back, and the FBI's determination that the victim was in on the plot at the beginning – oh, then I guess that's not so bad.

Or a man comes to my door collecting for tzedakah, and he describes a heartrending situation. He has ten children, his wife is ill, his parents are ill, the family has great debt and he needs help to marry off his daughter. I can see his bad teeth. He has letters vouching for his authenticity. I want to cry, to pull out my wallet and give him whatever I have. But then I ask him what he does for a living, and the answer is that he sits and learns. Oh, wait a minute, some part of me says. Then I don't feel quite as sympathetic.

I could give many examples of practical wrongs or ethical wrongs or halachic wrongs we diagnose, consciously or subconsciously, as reasons for others' suffering: They built their homes near a volcano, they got involved with drugs, they opted not to go to college, and so on. They broke Shabbos, they engaged in illicit relations, they laundered money and defrauded the government.

These calculations are often correct, from a logical standpoint, but on some level they are a defense mechanism. They come to make me feel less guilty about not helping, to make me feel less guilty for putting these people out of my mind and going about my life.

This is what R' Shlomo Kluger (grandson of the more famous R' Shlomo Kluger) saw in the actions of the righteous people of Kfar Sakhnia, who did not mourn for Yerushalayim (Gittin 57a). Those righteous people identified, as the gemara (such as Shabbos 119a) does, the sins of Yerushalayim: Failure to rebuke, lack of shame, disrespect, failure to educate their children in Torah, and so on. They saw reasons for her suffering, and accepted the resultant devastation as Divine will.

And then they saw no reason to mourn - and this was, itself, a grave sin.

Finding explanations for our own suffering is appropriate, and if they reduce the pain then so much the better.
Finding explanations of the suffering of others, to understand a cause and effect, to educate myself about proper behavior, is an obligation of my religion.
But using those explanations to numb my sensitivity, to fail to feel their pain, to fail to go to them and embrace them and cry with them – that's just wrong.

חטא חטאה ירושלים, said Yirmiyah. Yerushalayim has sinned. Guilty! But I am obligated to cry and fast and sit on the floor and feel pain in her pain, nonetheless. Her pain must be my pain.

Please! May this be the last Tisha b'Av on which we mourn.

Daf: Nedarim 60-62

60a
The switch from להבא to לעתיד לבא is interesting, but the Rosh downplays it

60b
See the Rosh on כאילו מקריב עליו. His idea that a neder shel mitzvah doesn’t require she’eilah may explain why on Taanis 10b we don’t require she’eilah for the fast that is interrupted by rain.

In the middle of the page: It seems clear to me that this should say לשעבר הוי וליתסר, and the word “לא” does not belong – and so I have seen in the Yaavetz.

61a
See Tosafos in Rosh HaShanah 9a ואי on the issue of how we count Year 50 in the shemitah/yovel cycle.

61b
Why don’t we ask the question as Rabbi Meir vs. Rabbi Meir? See Tosafos Eruvin 99a on מוחלפת השיטה

62a
This is a great daf on the issue of honoring those who study Torah, demanding honor for those who study Torah, and the issue of this-worldy reward for Torah study:

See R’ Akiva Eiger’s reference to Bava Kama 59b, on the man who was jailed for mourning the Beis haMikdash, and the Maharsha’s explanation there of how the man could get himself released by identifying himself as a Talmid Chacham.
The Rosh Yeshiva zt”l in Kerem b’Yavneh explained that they jailed people for mourning the Beis haMikdash because mourning implies a demand for the mourned entity to be returned – and unless one is a gavra rabba, doing something to bring the Beis haMikdash back, how dare he publicly mourn and act publicly as though he wanted it back?

See the second part of the Ran אי הכי, where he explains the difference between a talmid chacham claiming his due as a talmid chacham, and a talmid chacham demanding additional benefit

See the Rosh on ולא קרדום, who specifically mentions the issue of learning-for-pay as problematic

62b
See the Ran vs. the Rosh explaining the terms לפתוח and לברך regarding the honors of the kohen.

See the Rosh on מנדה בלו; it’s hard to understand why this rule would apply for all generations, if the original use was specifically for the anshei kenesses hagedolah! However, the Maharsha cites Tosafos from the beginning of Bava Basra that the exemption was really for all those who are involved in מלאכת שמים.

Regarding the Ran on והלך about the king’s partnership in privately held animals, see a similar point in the first perek in Pesachim regarding maaser beheimah and the king’s partnership with animal-owners.

On the bei nura issue, note the difference btween the stances of Ran and Rosh.

Note the Rosh’s final word on this amud – this ראשונה appears to be unique to him.