Instead, I'm resurrecting an old file of Purim Chaiku. This came from Rabbi Eli D. Clark several years ago, under the heading "Jewish-Japanese Poetry for All Occasions", although I might have added in one or two of my own. Unfortunately, I can't find Rabbi Clark's's work on-line anywhere, so I'm posting it as is. Assume that anything funny is from Rabbi Clark; that's a safe bet; you can see Chaiku's I know are mine here, in my Selichos Haiku Rant.
The
moon shines bright in
the sky. Darn! I guess that means
that I’ve
missed mincha
Grasp
toothpick with two
fingers.
Pick teeth right to left
In an
ArtScroll world
Hurry
to shul in
time
for the Rabbi’s speech. Now
I can
take a nap
An
olive is a fruit
the
size of a quarter. How much
matza must I eat?
The sheitel,
makeup,
jewelry,
high heels. Ready
to go
to Safeway
Wine drops
fall like rain.
Would
you stop pushing my arm
I’m making
kiddush
Shidduch
date follies
Got
lost finding the airport
Ever
read Steinbeck?
Super
Bowl, tie score
and only
three minutes left
Time for
Tehillim
Reading
the Chumash
Not for
kids! Can someone tell
me who
approved this?
May you
grow like rice
Tall,
slender, smooth and straight, and
just a
little wild
Bring Moshiach
now
Wear a
red bendel and stop
eating
broccoli
Bar mitzvah
boy’s speech
High
voice, stands on a milk crate
Today
you’re still a boy
Listen!
Beethoven’s
Ode to
Joy. Who brought his cell
phone
into shul?
Hotel
for Pesach
Slavery
sounds really sad
Please
pass the prime rib
Someone
knocks. Collecting
tzedaka
for the needy
investment
bankers
Should
we buy the couch?
The
Rabbi is out. Let’s check
the
Mishna Brura
Wafting
through the air,
that kishka
smell makes me dream
of
Pepto Bismol
A
perfect match – good
conversationalist
and
her dad
owns Kansas
Erev
Yom Kippur
Time
for introspection and
eating
like a yak
New
Internet site
Live
chat with Obama’s friend’s
son’s
bar mitzva coach
Looking
for cookies
with
kosher ingredients. What
the
heck is “dextrose”?
Brand
new book: The best
of the
Jewish Press transla-
ted
into English
The
kiddush was nice
Too
bad I trampled two kids
getting
some cholent
Move
to Israel
my
child? I’ll come too, but not
with
luggage, feet first
Leaves
of willow fall
to
the ground. Now my lulav
isn’t
kosher.
Food
stamps, Medicaid,
rent
subsidies, Kollel grants
Gd bless
America
Sitting
together
Belz, Ger,
Satmar, Lubavitch
Moshiach
has come
Shas
is too long. Can
I make
a siyyum on
“The
Bamboo Cradle”?
First off, Sira would have to be a male voice.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, Sira sounds too much like Ben Sira, which ArtScroll wouldn't give importance to.
Shasdaf-
ReplyDeleteBoth of those were precisely what I had in mind, actually, complete with jokes about Siri and Ben Sira variations. But most of the easy jokes weren't the kind I like to make, and I didn't have time to write better ones.