Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Purim Post: Mad Lib Eulogies

Warning: Poor taste and funeral humor below.

In my time in the rabbinate, I probably attended about four hundred funerals, officiating at the great majority of them. I worked for hours on eulogies, interviewing family members, thinking about the person's life, researching connections to the parshah or the Jewish calendar, and ultimately trying to find words to express the way in which the life of the niftar (deceased) carried personal meaning for relatives, the community, and me.

The Gemara says that a eulogy is supposed to induce tears. Herewith the words of the RCA Lifecycle HaMadrikh, 1995 edition, on the value of a good eulogy: “It must be a heartfelt lament of the great loss that is felt by family and friends, through conveying a true reflection of the deeds and virtues of the deceased.

Heartfelt, a lament, a true reflection of the deeds and virtues of the deceased... this isn't always so simple. It's hard - I mean, people die all the time.

Frankly, I suspect that some rabbis are not terribly disturbed by the modern tendency to allow a day, or even two, before a funeral, since it gives them more time to work on what should be a moving presentation on the meaning of a person's life.

Fortunately, in my hiatus from the pulpit I've had the opportunity to develop various kinds of new materials for shul rabbis. In honor of Purim, visiting the outer limits of taste... and beyond... I present to you a new aid for rabbis:

The Mad Lib Eulogy.

First, before you look at the eulogy text below, fill in the following blanks. Go ahead, get a piece of paper and try it:

(1) A Name ______
(2) A positive adjective ______
(3) A Year ______
(4) A 20th century tragedy ______
(5) An Emotion ______
(6) A positive adjective ______
(7) A positive adjective ______
(8) A positive adjective ______
(9) A Nationality ______
(10) A Relation ______
(11) A Relation ______
(12) An Emotion ______
(13) A Hobby ______
(14) A good figure from the Torah ______
(15) A Relation ______
(16) One of the sacred books of Judaism ______

And here's one version you could produce:
(1) John was a (2) menschlich person his entire life. Born in (3) 1939, in the middle of (4) the Holocaust, he knew the meaning of (5) sadness. Despite challenges, he developed into a (6) kind human being, a (7) good friend and a (8) supportive son to his (9) Belgian parents.

(1) John was a good (10) son, but his greatest affection was reserved for his (11) children, in whose presence he was always (12) happy. He enjoyed (13) fishing with them, whenever he had time.

(1) John’s love for his (11) children is reminiscent of the love displayed by (14) Avraham for his (15) son. The (16) Midrash tells us that (14) Avraham displayed the greatest love for a (15) son that anyone has ever known – and (1) John built his life around that model.

Even as we mourn (1) John's passing, let us also be grateful for the years we had with him, and for his love for his (11) children. May it be a model for us and for our children, and may his memory be a blessing for us all.
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Of course, this tool must be used with care; in particular, make sure to choose positive adjectives where indicated. Otherwise, you can end up with somewhat different results:

(1) John was a (2) green person his entire life. Born in (3) the Year of the Monkey, in the middle of the (4) Hindenburg Disaster, he knew the meaning of (5) ennui. Despite challenges, he developed into a (6) stringy human being, an (7) absorbent friend and a (8) pungent son to his (9) Mongolian parents.

(1) John was a good (10) cousin, but his greatest affection was reserved for his (11) stepmother, in whose presence he was always (12) agitated. He enjoyed (13) making tortillas with her, whenever he had time.

(1) John’s love for his (11) stepmother is reminiscent of the love displayed by (14) Lot for his (15) family dog. The (16) Zohar tells us that (14) Lot displayed the greatest love for a (15) family dog that anyone has ever known – and (1) John built his life around that model.

Even as we mourn (1) John’s passing, let us also be grateful for the years we had with him, and for his love for his (11) stepmother. May it be a model for us and for our children, and may his memory be a blessing for us all.

Try it out this Purim, and put your results in the comments.

Note: Feel free to expand this to Chuppah speeches, Bar/Bat Mitzvah speeches, etc. The only requirement is that you read them aloud in a rabbinical sing-song, punctuated appropriately with sighs and smiles along the way.

7 comments:

  1. Purim Torah indeed. Curious though--what happens if the niftar actually resembles your Purim Torah image more than he/she does the template image?

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  2. Maybe we now need an approved list of nouns, adjectives, etc.

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  3. I've often thought this during rabbinic eulogies - which is why I wonder why the practice of having the rabbi eulogize at all.
    KT
    Joel Rich

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  4. Often eulogies embellish the positive aspects of the deceased and the kahal wonders who is being eulogized knowing some of the less positive traits s/he had.

    So there's a joke appropos to the coming parshiot, that "Acharai Mot, Kedoshim Emor".

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  5. ProfK-
    This can happen... but there is always something to say. I believe that in principle, and found it to be true in life.

    Bob-
    That would take the fun out of it...

    Joel-
    Speaking seriously - For many people, it's important because they need to see the death in a religious context, even through a person who has no familiarity with their relative.

    Michael-
    Indeed, exaggeration is actually prohibited, and is considered a bad thing to do to the deceased. But, yes, that doesn't always stop speakers.

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  6. From time to time I have wondered if this isn't how it is done. Unfortunately I have seen the same rav at three funerals and his words sounded awfully familiar.

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  7. I tried this out at the Purim Seudah (using your name as the source, of course!) and it was very well-received! Thanks for posting

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