Sunday, July 25, 2010

Statement of Principles on the Place of Jews with a Homosexual Orientation in our Community

A few months ago, I was asked to sign a letter on the position of homosexuals in the Orthodox community. I considered it, saw that the letter didn’t meet everything I wanted it to say, but decided to sign it anyway. That letter is now posted here.

Among the things I like about the letter:
• It states the obvious explicitly, knowing that it isn’t obvious to all: Everyone deserves respect; This is not sanction of homosexual activity; Halachah prohibits homosexual activity; and so on.

• It states that shuls need to develop coherent halachic policies to address this issue, and not try to duck it or otherwise paper it over.

• It notes the problem of dangerous conversion therapies, without pretending to expertise in the area.

Among my problems with the letter:
• I would like to see an explicit call for clergy to become actively involved in counseling those who want their aid, and an explicit call for Orthodox Jews who feel same-gender attraction to consult with their clergy.

• I would like to see a note that while we oppose “outing,” we acknowledge that as with all cases of lashon hara, there may be rare cases in which outing is mandated by halachah, l’toelet.

• I would like to see some recognition that modesty does mandate we avoid creating public forums dedicated to discussing sexual matters, and I’d like to see a note promoting public forums dedicated to discussing the needs of Jews who are attracted to their own gender and are trying to live halachic lives.

In the end, I decided to sign it.

Since the letter was published on Friday, I’ve received emails accusing me of being a “left-winger.” This comes as quite a surprise for me.

[rant begins]

Among other milestones in my “left wing” life -
• I nearly lost a job early on because I insisted on my right to wear my black hat for davening on Shabbos morning (this was before I was married and tallised); I did get passed over in a later job interview for that same hat, plus beard.

• As a rabbinic intern, I refused to participate in an Edah program sponsored by my own employer (who, by the way, was wonderfully understanding of this upstart pup).

• I was recruited by Eternal Jewish Family for their work, as I’ve noted elsewhere.

• I was honored at the Agudah Convention in New York a few years ago (along with other Daf Yomi maggidim).

[rant ends]

There’s more I could bring, and of greater substance than organizational affiliation and matters of dress, but I don’t want to descend into proving my bona fides. Let’s get back to the point.

Without doubt, some of the people who signed the letter inhabit the left wing of the Orthodox spectrum. And I know that some serious talmidei chachamim declined to sign, lest they lend validity to those on the left. I thought about that, long and hard.

But I also know that over my dozen years in the pulpit I had the privilege to meet, talk with and sometimes counsel several Jews who felt attracted to the same gender, and who were trying to live halachic lives. I have some tiny inkling of the struggles they experience daily. Thanks to them, I have some small sense of what it’s like to feel alienated by family and Jewish community as well as the gay community, to feel like every natural social outlet is cut off, all while you are trying to do what you believe Judaism says is right.

I have sympathy for all human beings, those who follow my sense of halachah as well as those who do not. And for the Jews who experience same-gender attraction and try to live within my sense of halachah, well, these are remarkable, incredible human beings – those who succeed every time in observing Judaism’s laws, and those who keep on trying.

Of course I signed. With my left and right hands.

13 comments:

  1. Rabbi - PLEASE PLEASE EMAIL ME, maybe your the perfect person to ask my question re: letter! bukin86 at gmail.com

    THANK YOU!

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  2. "I would like to see some recognition that modesty does mandate we avoid creating public forums dedicated to discussing sexual matters, and I’d like to see a note promoting public forums dedicated to discussing the needs of Jews who are attracted to their own gender and are trying to live halachic lives."

    Unless I'm misunderstanding, doesn't the first part of this paragraph contradict the second? ie. I thought you were at first alluding to the recent very public session put on by some YU students, and suggesting such matters shouldn't be discussed in that manner in public sessions. But then you say that public forums for discussing what I think was part of what they discussed at that session SHOULD be promoted? Or are you saying public forums are OK, just don't get explicit?

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  3. DB-
    Don't know if I'm the perfect person for anything, but my email address is in my profile, please feel free to email me.

    Michael-
    As I see it, we can have a forum to address the question of how the Jewish community deals with someone who feels the attraction, without that becoming a discussion about homosexuality itself. Do you think that's possible?

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  4. Tricky, but perhaps possible. Because I think that in discussing how the community should treat people who feel the attraction, I think it's inevitable that it will lead into a discussion of what the community can and can't accept with regard to acting on their feelings. And going down that path could lead to some explicit discussion.

    Have a great vacation!

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  5. First, I'm sort of offended that you are so offended at being called left-wing.

    Second, really? your choice of HAT is an important part of your theology?? I know the various pieces of the frum uniform signal affiliation with different hashkafot, but this is extremely superficial, as an argument for your traditionalist values.

    Third, I haven't heard of Edah. What do they do that you objected to, and how does that signal that you're not a progressive?

    Thanks for signing. You are a man of integrity, and this is a really important step in Orthodox Judaism's relationship with other denominations, as well as to their own members.

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  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  7. FWIW, I saw your name right away when I read the letter. It's a well written document and I think that whatever wind is blowing now regarding it will eventually fade away with another issue de jour.

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  8. Michael-
    Worth a shot, I'd think.

    Tzipporah-
    1. Only because that's the sort of brand I'd rather claim for myself, on my own terms, rather than have it leveled as an accusation.

    2. Hence my line about "of greater substance than..."

    3. It's a very long story...

    4. Thank you.

    Deleted comment-
    Why did you delete that? You made good points.

    Neil-
    Sad but true.

    ReplyDelete
  9. "Why did you delete that? You made good points."

    I realized it's a complicated topic, and I wanted to think it over more, but I appreciate your vote of confidence :)

    My point, rethought, is that perhaps there is not much to address on the public level as far as sensitivity for homosexuals per se, and it should be in the context of sensitivity for childless couples, or anyone with special needs. Why the need to have special discussion of this topic? For the homosexuals, all one would seemingly need is guidelines given by psychologists or rabbonim for dealing with sensitivity, rather than outpouring of public sympathy and major *discussion* back and forth.

    On the other hand, I would think some or much of the public interest actually *is* in either the topic of homosexuality or sexuality(R. Brody and Broyde's article in the Jewish Press seemed to recognize the larger context of sexuality as being a more important communal issue, and called homosexuality a "red herring", see link). How to deal with the any discussion for the latter two issues, in what forum, and for different demographics, is a separate subject, which of course deserves rabbinic input.

    http://www.jewishpress.com/pageroute.do/42996

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  10. I found this line very striking:
    "Without doubt, some of the people who signed the letter inhabit the left wing of the Orthodox spectrum. And I know that some serious talmidei chachamim declined to sign, lest they lend validity to those on the left. I thought about that, long and hard."

    I have a lot of respect for the ideology of those on the "Orthodox Right" or the center of the center. I can't fathom not signing a document that you agree with because the other signers are on the "Orthodox Left." Could you explain a bit more your long and hard thoughts about this?

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  11. 1. Perhaps I haven't been reading the right blogs and newspapers, but why is there a sudden concern over such matters? What triggered this?

    2. How far can we go before such statements are construed as a tacit acceptance of homosexual behavior? It seems that while Halachically we distinguish between homosexual desire (whether genetic or otherwise) and homosexual behavior society at large does not. It is assumed that if a person has homosexual desires that are not voluntary he has the moral right to do so; otherwise the morality of the choice becomes more of politics than religion. Maybe an expert on Canon Law can correct me as far as Roman Catholics hold on this topic.

    Let me be clear that I am not in favor of any behavior towards homosexuals that is not halachically mandated. However, consider the mess the Conservative movement got into when they started dealing with the issue.

    Something I noticed in the statement is that nothing is said about whether homosexuals should be admitted to Smicha programs, be hired as pulpit Rabbis, etc.

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  12. First of all — yishar koaḥ, Rav.

    Second of all...

    Without doubt, some of the people who signed the letter inhabit the left wing of the Orthodox spectrum. And I know that some serious talmidei chachamim declined to sign, lest they lend validity to those on the left. I thought about that, long and hard.

    Would you mind explaining/describing your thought process was about this issue?

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  13. Shadesof-
    Thanks for [re-]commenting.
    I think there is a specific reason for a statement regarding Jews who feel homosexual attraction. They are in a uniquely painful predicament, and to add insult to injury it is a predicament that gets little-to-no sympathy or understanding in many communities.

    David and Steg-
    My hesitation was because I don't want my agreement on this document to be taken as endorsement of their stances on related issues. I could easily see it happening. That I signed despite this concern is a function of my strong feeling that such a document is necessary for the sake of many lives.

    Marc-
    1. I've wanted such a document for years, but I imagine much of it came from the program at YU in December 2009. I was shown a draft of this document in March (which was when I signed on).

    2. The document does distinguish pretty clearly between desire and practice. I believe we must make such clear distinctions every step of the way.

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