The City Clerk of the City of New York has a sense of humor. Who knew?

I recently had to register to officiate at a wedding in the City of New York. (I actually didn’t need to register, as it turns out, but that’s another story…)

Here are the rules for registering as clergy:

• If you are a clergy member or minister of any religious faith or a Leader of the Society for Ethical Culture, there are three registration procedure options depending on which most suits your organization or congregation.
• Option 1: Your denomination publishes a directory.
• If you belong to a denomination that publishes a directory of its clergy, you may present the actual directory or a copy of the cover page of the directory and a copy of the page where your name is listed; or
• If your name is not yet listed in a directory, you may present a letter from the denomination that publishes the directory, confirming your membership; or
• If your name is not yet listed in a directory, you may also submit a certificate or letter that shows you graduated from the seminary or theological school of the denomination that publishes the directory.
• Option 2: Your denomination does not publish a directory, but issues Certificates of Ordination or Licenses to Minister.
• If you do not belong to a denomination that publishes a directory, you may submit a copy of your ordination certificate, a License to Minister, or a letter of appointment from your denomination; and
• If the Certificate of Ordination is not written in English, you must also provide an English translation; and
• You must attach a letter from your local congregation that verifies that you are the pastor or associate pastor of the congregation and that your congregation consents to your registration with the Office of the City Clerk; and
• You must attach one of the following documents:
• A copy of the church's Articles of Incorporation; or
• A statement that lists the location of the church, the reason for the church's founding, the number of trustees of the church, the approximate size of the congregation, and how often the congregation meets.
• Option 3: Your denomination does not publish a directory and does not issue Certificates of Ordination or Licenses to Minister.
• If you do not belong to a denomination that publishes a directory and your denomination does not grant Certificates of Ordination or Licenses to Minister, you may still register by submitting a letter from your congregation that states that you are the recognized spiritual leader of the congregation and the congregation consents to your registration; and
• You must attach one of the following documents:
• A copy of the church's Articles of Incorporation; or
• A statement that lists the location of the church, the reason for the church's founding, the number of trustees of the church, the approximate size of the congregation and how often the congregation meets.
• Once you have completed the form using the correct option above, you must visit the Manhattan office to complete your registration if you are a resident of the City of New York.
• If you reside outside of the City of New York you may mail the signed and notarized application, a photocopy of your proper identification and your fee of $15 by credit card or money order payable to the City Clerk.

If you read through all of that, you probably – like me – think that the City Clerk is someone who takes her job very seriously and has no sense of humor. On receiving my certification, though, I found out otherwise. This is the text of the sample license they send you, to show to fill out the form:

From the Groom:

Name: Austin Powers

Age: 101

Address: 1313 Mocking Bird Ln

City: Gotham City

Usual Occupation: Super Spy

Father Name: Fassia Austin

Birth Place: PR, USA

Mother Name: Jane Tarzan

Birth Place: AL, USA

From the Bride:

Name: Jenny From the Block

Age: 101

Address: 1313 Mocking Bird Ln

City: Gotham City

Usual Occupation: model

Father Name: Rock the Block

Birth Place: Lao People’s Democratic Republic

Mother Name: Lizzy Thin

Birth Place: Brazil

Turns out the City Clerk does have a sense of humor… who knew?

What happens at a Jewish wedding?

I prepared this document for families anticipating a wedding, and decided to share it here in the hope that you would comment with any thoughts on ways to improve it.

This is not intended to be comprehensive; it is a bare-bones introduction, although it is written to be intelligible for any audience.

What Happens at a traditional Jewish Wedding?

Please note:
1) I mention “parents” several times in the following document, but sometimes circumstances demand that it be a surrogate. I don’t mention surrogates each time in the document, for the sake of brevity, but surrogates are fine.

2) I mention “witnesses” several times in the following document. In Jewish law, a “witness” is an adult Jewish male who observes mitzvot and is not a close relation of the parties involved.


At the start of the wedding
The kallah (bride), along with her mother and the mother of the chatan (groom), greet guests in a specially designated room.

The chatan (groom) stays in another room, with his father and with the father of the kallah. This room is usually called “the chatan’s tish,” meaning “the groom’s table.” Sometimes the chatan presents a small speech, and sometimes the friends of the chatan sing songs of celebration.

There is food in both rooms, but the kallah and chatan do not eat.


Tenaim
Historically, the families of the chatan and kallah would undertake various financial obligations for the wedding and for the couple’s needs. In order to ensure that there were no unresolved financial issues, some time before the wedding the two families would get together, and the father of the chatan and the father of the kallah would confirm before witnesses that there were no outstanding claims. The witnesses would sign a document, “Tenaim,” which would certify that they had seen this confirmation (tenaim = conditions).

Today, most Jews sign this document at the chatan’s tish rather than beforehand; the father’s agree to the Tenaim in front of two witnesses, and the witnesses sign the document.

The mothers of the chatan and kallah generally come in for this as well, and when the Tenaim are complete, they break a plate together. This is meant to indicate that just as a broken plate cannot be reassembled, so one’s word, once broken, cannot be made whole.


Ketubah
Jewish law requires that a husband accept certain responsibilities for his wife’s care, and that he guarantee a sum of money for her in the event of, Gd-forbid, divorce or his death. These responsibilites and guarantees are recorded in a document called a Ketubah (ketubah = written).

We complete the Ketubah at the chatan’s tish; the chatan agrees to all of the responsibilities recorded therein, in front of witnesses who then sign the document.

The Ketubah will be brought to the chuppah when the chatan and kallah go there later.


Minchah
Depending on the timing, there may be a minyan for minchah at the chatan’s tish before or after the ketubah is completed.


Bedecken
Traditionally, the chatan and kallah do not see each other for a week before the wedding; the first time they meet is after the completion of the ketubah, at the bedecken.

Various sources are brought to explain why we have a bedecken at all, and even what the word bedecken means, but this is what happens: The chatan is escorted by family and friends into the kallah’s room, generally with a lot of music and fanfare.

When the chatan arrives at the kallah’s chair, the kallah’s father offers her a blessing. This is usually the blessing Rebecca’s family gave her before she went to marry Isaac (Genesis 24:60) and the blessing of the kohanim (Numbers 6:24-26). In some families the kallah’s father puts his hands on her head while offering this blessing.

Sometimes the mother of the kallah, and/or the parents of the chatan, may offer a blessing as well, and sometimes the rabbi does so, too.

The chatan then leaves the room, again with music and fanfare. The guests enter the chuppah room, and the families prepare for the chuppah.


Ashes
Some have the custom of placing a little bit of ash on the chatan’s head before the chuppah, as a way to recall the destruction of the Beit haMikdash (Temple in Jerusalem). The ash is on top of his head, and not visible to others.


Arrival under the Chuppah
The chatan arrives under the chuppah, usually escorted by his parents. He puts on a kittel and/or tallit under the chuppah, depending on family custom.

Someone sings a song, “Mi adir,” when the chatan arrives.

The kallah arrives under the chuppah; in some families the chatan comes out to welcome her.

The kallah circles the chatan 7 times, accompanied by the mothers of the chatan and kallah, and someone sings a song, “Mi ban siach.”

The chatan and kallah then stand facing toward Israel, with the kallah on the right and the chatan on the left. The rabbi, and two designated witnesses, stand facing them.


Kiddushin
A cup of wine is filled.

The rabbi recites two blessings on the wine, one for the wine and one for kiddushin, the initiation of marriage. The chatan and kallah answer Amen, and each drinks some of the wine.

In front of witnesses, the chatan produces a ring, shows it to the kallah, certifies that it is his own, recites the words “Harei at mekudeshet li bitaba’at zu k’dat Moshe v’Yisrael (Behold, you are betrothed to me with this ring, in accordance with the laws of Moses and Israel),” and places it on the kallah’s index (not ring) finger.


Dvar Torah / Ketubah
At this point, in some weddings, the rabbi or a guest present a brief speech.

Also at this point, in some weddings, someone reads the ketubah aloud.

The chatan then hands the ketubah to the kallah, in front of witnesses. The kallah generally then gives it to someone to store safely for her until after the wedding. The kallah must always, throughout her marriage, know where the ketubah is; if it is lost, a rabbi should immediately write a new document, called a ketubah d’irkisa (“ketubah that was lost”), for her.


Nisuin
A second cup of wine is filled.

Seven blessings are recited, sometimes by the rabbi and sometimes by guests. The person reciting the blessing holds the cup of wine.

The chatan and kallah drink from the cup.


Breaking the glass
The chatan stamps on a glass, breaking it, to remind us of the destruction of the Beit haMikdash. The assembled sing “Im eshkacheich,” a passage from Psalms about remembering Jerusalem.


Yichud
The guests then dance the chatan and kallah out of the room, to a specially designated room known as the “Yichud room” (yichud = isolation).

Some Jewish legal scholars have argued that the actual moment of marriage takes place when the chatan and kallah are first secluded together; the purpose the Yichud room is to give them that seclusion.

The rabbi and two witnesses inspect the room to ensure that no one is inside, and no one could get in from any means other than the main door. The chatan and kallah enter the room alone and close the door, and the witnesses stand by the closed door to ensure that no one enters for at least ten minutes. After that the witnesses depart, and the chatan and kallah may emerge when they choose.

What to bring

Items the caterer might provide, but you should check to be certain:
A plate to break at the Tenaim (and some provide a special hammer as well!)
Kiddush cups or glasses for the wine under the chuppah
Wine to use under the chuppah
Glass to break under the chuppah

Items you or the rabbi will need to provide:
Tenaim form
Ketubah form
Ashes

Items you will need to provide:
Kittel and/or tallit
Witnesses
Wedding ring
Joy and celebration!

What's the first thing to teach children about Judaism?

I have the pleasure of helping young men prepare for bar mitzvah, generally by teaching them how to lein (read from the Torah) and, sometimes, lead davening. I also get to work with them in preparing a dvar torah, and I take the opportunity to train them in various Jewish ideals and in practical Jewish life as well.

The experience is generally a combination of pedagogy, amusement and frustration (and that’s just in dealing with the parents!). My task is a convergence of passing along new information, conveying high expectations without burdening them with stress, and helping them succeed even as they handle everything that comes with the onslaught of adolescence.

Generally, the kids come in with some level of background; whether they’ve been to day school or supplementary Hebrew school, they have some awareness of Jewish concepts, at the least. Once, though, I had a truly different experience: An unaffiliated family came to me with a child who had no Jewish knowledge.

No Jewish knowledge. None.

We’re talking blank slate, tabula rasa, didn’t know who Avraham and Sarah were, didn’t know who Moshe was or what Mount Sinai was. No – he did know what Israel is, in the sense that it’s a country with a lot of Jews living there. But beyond that, nothing.

His parents understood that he wouldn’t be able to lein from the Torah coming out of this; they just wanted him to know “what a Jew needs to know.”

So what do you teach a 12 year old boy about Judaism, as his introduction to the whole thing? The very first thing?

Do you teach him Shma, do you talk about Gd and monotheism?
Do you teach him תורה צוה לנו משה, that HaShem gave us a Torah of ritual mitzvos and social mitzvos, which is the anchor of everything Jewish?
Do you teach him about Divine reward and punishment, Gan Eden (heaven) and Gehennom (hell) and what we believe about theodicy, about bad things happening to good people?

Do you teach him about Jewish history, our ancestors and the kings and the Beis haMikdash and the exiles?
Do you teach him how to live daily life as a Jew – kashrut, Shabbat, holidays?
Do you teach him how to daven?
The possibilities are endless; ארוכה מארץ מדה ורחבה מני ים (its measure is longer than the earth and broader than the sea)!

I settled on Motivation as the first focus.

For a 12 year old boy raised without any exposure to Judaism and then suddenly thrust into Bar Mitzvah training, the biggest question must be WHY – why do my parents think this is important to me? Why, when I am on the verge of adulthood, when I could be out playing basketball or listening to music or playing with my Nintendo or just relaxing, when I have all of these school pressures and social pressures, do I have to spend 45 minutes a week with a rabbi? We’ve never cared about this before!

So I thought he needed to learn Motivation – why any of this matters, to him.

And so I started not with any of the above, but with a list of 20th and 21st century Jewish accomplishments. You know, like those chain emails that go around about Jews who invented the cell phone and got Nobel prizes, et cetera. Broader than that, though – I included survival in the Holocaust as well as the founding of a country and its defense against numerous invasions. I included the ways in which modern legal systems trace themselvs to the Torah’s laws. I included pioneering Jewish leaders from many different areas of thought and life.

And I asked him, “Did you ever know you were a part of this? Do you want to know where all of this originates, what binds it all together, what all of the people I’ve mentioned have in common?”

And then we were ready to get started.

I’ll tell you this – it worked so well that this is now the first thing I do with all Bar Mitzvah kids, including the ones trained in Yeshiva.

What would you have done? What’s the first thing you would teach a Jew about Judaism?

Rhode Island & Rossi Law Tax Trap – Please email this to Rhode Islanders

A Public Service message for Rhode Islanders

I loved living in Rhode Island. Where others might have been embarrassed by the corruption of our municipal and state governments, I was more-or-less amused by it.

That is, until the long arm of Rhode Island’s treasury reached into my pocket yesterday. Now I don’t find the crookedness so amusing. Here’s the deal:


The non-crooked part:
I moved out of Rhode Island in June 2001. In July 2001 we paid what we thought was the last of our vehicle tax bill, and never heard anything further about a vehicle tax.

Turns out, Rhode Island bills you for your vehicle tax at the end of the year.

Therefore: When we paid in July 2001, we were paying for the use of our car in the year 2000. We were not billed for 2001 until July 2002 – but by that time we were no longer at our old address. Even if the state did send a bill, it would not have been forwarded to us.

Okay, fine, that's an honest error and it results in a bill.


But here’s the crooked part:
Rhode Island continues to keep you on the registry rolls until (a) you return your plates, or (b) your registration formally expires, even if you register your car in another state.

Therefore: Not only did they bill us in absentia for 2001 – they also billed us in absentia for 2002, for a car that was actually registered, for all of 2002, in Pennsylvania!

And, of course, we never actually received any bill, since they didn't bother to use the new address they had on file to send us anything.

So we owed that vehicle tax, but didn’t know it. Fine. That much I could accept, and understand that I was in error, and ignorance is no defense and all that.


But here’s the really crooked part:

The state never made any attempt to follow up, until more than five years later, when they hired a collection agency, the Rossi Law firm, in January of 2008, to pursue tax delinquents.

So we received a letter out of the blue yesterday, notifying us that we owe $430 – an original $250 or so for our tax, plus almost $180 in interest.

You see, the Rhode Island General Law includes the following lines:
(d) As soon after this as possible, the tax collector shall cause excise bills to be sent by first class mail to all persons, corporations, partnerships, joint stock companies, or associations that have registered vehicles or trailers during the calendar year of proration. The bills shall be paid in accordance with § 44-5-7 at the same time and on the same schedule as property tax bills. Failure to pay the excise at the appropriated time shall bring about a penalty of eighteen percent (18%) per annum…

(e) Failure by the tax collector to send, or by the taxpayer to receive, a bill shall not excuse the nonpayment of the tax or affect its validity or any proceedings for the collection.

That's right: They can wait as long as they like, 5 years or 10 or 15 or 20, make no attempt to find you, and then send you a bill when the interest hits an amount they like.

This is what bothers me – the original bill, I can deal with. But charging interest on a debt, when you never made a good faith effort to notify the debtor of the debt, is just wrong.

So let your Rhode Island friends know: If they ever leave the state, they had better contact the DMV and make sure they know what they owe, and what they need to do. Otherwise, they should be prepared to pay up later, with interest.

The Rabbi's Face[book]

I joined Facebook the other day, more or less because everyone else was on it and I wasn't. It was embarrassing; I had one of the first Torah websites with Webshas(http://pages.nyu.edu/~mat6263) back in 1995, and here I was, behind the times. So I decided to catch up.

Facebook immediately offered to email close to 300 email contacts of mine and offer them the unique opportunity to be my friend. I whittled down the list to about one-third of that, by removing those for recipients whom the request would be embarrassing as well as those for whom I would be embarrassed to make the request, and then let the requests fly. Less then 36 hours later, I am the proud friend of about 50 people, and feeling pretty good about that.

I don’t really plan to use Facebook much, but I did notice that a lot of people post a picture of themselves on their page. It becomes an icon for them, much like the pictures people post on Blogger.

I don’t know what to do with that. I'd like to think I was above vanity, but even if I were - rabbis get judged for their appearances all the time, and I'm a rabbi, so I need to weigh that issue.

Don't think rabbinic appearances matter? First, the gemara says they do; a talmid chacham who has dirty clothing is "liable for his life." And second, my own experience bears that out. It's hard for me to listen to someone who doesn't take his appearance seriously. And I know congregants (of other synagogues, of course!) who are critical of their rabbi's appearance.

So what do I put on Facebook?

I’d like to leave it blank, but that’s so… fuddy-duddy. Ditto for having a formal picture; way too pretentious. No frowning, for sure. But then, funny rabbinic pictures also feel fake to me. Who do you think you are, rabbi? Everyone knows you’re a rabbi, and rabbis are no fun at all.

And, unfortunately, a cartoon doodle is a copout.

Should I go bearded, since as a rabbi I feel pretty much confined to bearddom?
Or how about a beardless picture from a Purim-past?
Or maybe I could use one from last Purim, when I dressed up as a member of our local AAA baseball team, the Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs (I kid you not – but I was fully under hashgachah, as you can see below)?

And then there’s the competition between my vanity and my vitiligo. I was diagnosed with vitiligo a few years back (yes, me and Michael Jackson), and now have a partially-white eyebrow, and an inconvenient white spot on my moustache. (If I had a nickel for every time someone “discreetly” hinted that I need a tissue…) So do I go with a pre- or post-vitiligo picture?

It really shouldn’t be this difficult. I turn to the democratic process: Here are some pictures. Let me know, by comment or email, which one I should use. Or, am I better off leaving it blank…

Anger Management 101: Remember your goal

[This week's Haveil Havalim is here!]

This is one of those thoughts that are patently obvious, but I’d like to put it in writing anyway, if only to remind myself when I read it again at some point in the future.

Brett Cyrgalis, writing in a post on his New York Ranger blog The Blue Seats, points out that sports fans who boo their own team, during play, are defeating themselves. Or, to use his words:

“…to boo while the play is going on is a distraction. If you want your team to do better, don't discourage them while they're in the process of trying to win. That's what you should do to a visiting team. Like if the Devils were in town, and they weren't shooting the puck on the powerplay, it'd be a good idea to start screaming 'shoot the puck' at them so that they rush their passes and force shots and are disrupted from their planned routine…

As a general rule, when a player on your team touches the puck, it is a bad idea to boo him.”

Cyrgalis wants us to remember our goal: We may be angry, but we ultimately want to win, so let’s find a way to win.

Of course, Cyrgalis’s logical advice is not applicable to many sports fans - because sports fans aren’t necessarily rooting for their team to win. Many sports fans are looking for catharsis, and they’ll take it any way they can get it, whether with a victory or a brawl or an outraged outburst at ref, coach or player.

For many fans, it’s not whether you win or lose - it’s how you feel after the game.

On the other hand, his advice makes a lot of sense for the rest of us, outside the arena, and particularly for a rabbi: If you act to serve your anger instead of your goals, you lose.

It’s easy for a rabbi to get frustrated and angry, for many reasons. Among them:

*Rabbis are, in our own minds, on the “right” side. We are trying to run a shul and community, to help people fulfill mitzvot, to counsel people, and so on; clearly, we are the good guys. So if someone knocks us, it’s easy for us to be filled with righteous anger.

*When you’re in the rabbinate, so much of your job is personal. You spend 15-20 hours each day worrying about people, working with people, helping people. The result can be a loss of perspective, and individuals’ insufficiencies - failure to come to minyan, coming late to a meeting, not working on a project - can come to look like a personal attack.

*We keep very tight schedules, which don’t offer a lot of time for reflection. This is, in my experience, one of the most destructive elements of the modern rabbinate; scheduling the day in fifteen minute increments means that we don’t take the needed time to reflect before reacting.

One way to deal with this is to keep the goal in mind, always. If you want her to work on the project, if you want him to come to minyan, if you want meetings to run well, getting angry won’t help the situation.

Yes, you’re on the right side. Yes, it’s often personal. Yes, you need to move on to the next activity. But breathe, think, breathe, think, breathe, then act. It works.

Invite, Don't Welcome (Derashah Vayyetze 5769)

We can learn many lessons from what happened in Mumbai last week - lessons of security, lessons of politics, lessons of what it means to be identifiably Jewish in a country facing Muslim terrorism. Most of these lessons are negative - but in the funerals for Rabbi Gavi and Rivkie Holzberg in Israel I did find one positive message.


Yossi Klein Halevi, writing in The New Republic, noticed it too, and he wrote about it this week in an article entitled, “Why Israelis love Chabad.”

As Yossi Klein Halevi pointed out, the Holzbergs’ bodies were returned to Israel along with the body of Rabbi Aryeh Leibush Teitelbaum, a Toldos Avraham Yitzchak chasid. All of them were killed while performing mitzvot in Mumbai - the Holzbergs running outreach services, Teitelbaum certifying kosher food production. All of them left behind orphan children. All of them were what Israelis would call chareidi; none of them would term the religious practice of your average secular Israeli “Judaism.” None of them served in the army.

And yet the Holzbergs were mourned by the entire country, and their funeral was a national event attended even by Shimon Peres - where Rabbi Teitelbaum’s funeral was much quieter, the passing of this father of eight children much less noticed.


Yossi Klein Halevi argues, and I have to agree, that one of the main reasons the Holzbergs were so widely mourned is the fact that they made a career of inviting in the secular Israeli. They didn’t just welcome people in; they went out and invited them in.

Inviting is about more than just welcoming.
• Welcoming is saying “Good shabbos.” Inviting is running outside to greet someone.
• Welcoming is saying, “Call me if you want to talk.” Inviting is calling people up to see how they are doing.

Inviting is the trait of an Avraham, who sees three guests and וירא וירץ לקראתם מפתח האהל, he ran to greet them from the entrance of the tent.

Inviting is the trait of R’ Yochanan ben Zakkai, who always made sure to greet others first. R’ Yochanan ben Zakkai was known for never wasting a minute - but this was worthy of his time.
And Inviting is a trait we learn from HaShem, who came out to greet us at Har Sinai, not waiting for us to come out of our tents first.


This is one reason why the Holzbergs were so embraced; inviting is what many representatives of Chabad do, around the world. Whether holding a Seder in India or Thailand, or offering tefillin on a street corner in Tel Aviv, or distributing jelly doughnuts at the IDF front lines, shluchim are visible to the average Israeli, they approach the average Israeli, and the unconditional warmth of that approach is the appeal.

Certainly, the shaliach doesn’t know anything about this particular Jew in front of him. Certainly, the shaliach expects something from the Jew he approaches. Certainly, elements of the shaliach’s philosophy are alien to, and possibly even offensive to, the Jew he approaches.

But all of those certainties are irrelevant; what the Jew remembers is the warm, outgoing welcome he received in India, on the street corner, at the front lines.

Human beings, as a rule, react positively to being invited in, even by someone with whom we have nothing in common.


Look at Lavan’s meeting with Yaakov in this morning’s parshah. Yaakov flees home, he’s alone and he’s broke and he’s scared. He travels to Charan and arrives at a well, he talks to the shepherds, who are not particularly friendly. He meets Rachel and falls for her, she runs home to her father Lavan - and וירץ לקראתו, Lavan runs out to greet Yaakov. ויחבק לו, Lavan hugs him. וינשק לו, Lavan kisses him. ויביאהו אל ביתו, Lavan brings Yaakov into his home.

Yes, the midrash cynically points out that perhaps Lavan had an ulterior motive, to get at the wealth he imagines Yaakov has brought. But you had better believe that Yaakov, himself, remembers that greeting. That’s a welcome!


This is not merely an academic lesson about Lavan and Yaakov, or about the Holzbergs; it is an ideal, a model for us to imitate and practice. Not so that people will say nice things about us too, but so that we will fulfill our most basic mission as Jews.

The most basic mission of the Jew, expressed and reiterated repeatedly in our Torah through story and statute and liturgy, is לתקן עולם במלכות שקי, וכל בני בשר יקראו בשמך, to repair the world in the kingdom of HaShem, so that all flesh will call in Gd’s Name. On Rosh haShanah and Yom Kippur we express an altruistic longing for the day when ויטו שכם אחד לעבדך, when all humanity will bend their shoulders as one to serve Gd.

This optimistic prediction is not simply that every individual will serve Gd - it is founded upon the concept of שכם אחד, of individuals locking arms and embracing, to serve Gd together.

Hence our great emphasis on מצוות בין אדם לחבירו, social mitzvot which bond people together. If all of us were to perform mitzvot individually, were to serve Gd privately, were to develop our spirituality and righteousness in a solipsistic vacuum, then that is precisely the way mashiach would come - with each group exultant in its own domain, each group adoring Gd in its own world, the globe an outsized Meah Shearim dotted by little enclaves representing every little shtiebel and shtetl.

Our sages were most afraid of that all-too-possible possibility; witness the laws they enacted regarding arenas as varied as the פרה אדומה, the red heifer, and the celebration of Yamim Tovim, laws instituted in order to prevent people from bringing their own red heifers, in order to ensure that every Jew could mingle with, and dine with, every other Jew on Yom Tov.

This is the world for which we long. We seek not to create a world in which every chassidic group and every yeshiva and every synagogue travels in its own social circle and is loathe to mix with the others, but rather a world in which the entirety of Jewry serves Gd in harmonious tandem.

If we will bond with others, if we will invite in others, then we will become שכם אחד, one group. Not only לעבדך, serving Gd, but שכם אחד, doing it together.


Sons of Israel is, by reputation and by action, a welcoming shul. We smile and say good shabbos to everyone who walks in. Our flyers all say, “Open to the public.” We have never turned anyone away by reason of ideology or lifestyle; Jews of all kinds can daven here, and they do.

But, again, being “welcoming” is insufficient; we must find ways to be inviting - as a shul, but, more importantly, as a community.

Whether that means calling up a friend and asking if she wants to come to a program, or stopping in at a neighbor just to talk, or inviting a new person to join a book club or card game, the bottom line is this: our goal as Jews is to be unified in the service of HaShem, and so we should take a page out of Lavan’s playbook: וירץ לקראתו ויביאהו אל ביתו, he ran to greet Yaakov and he brought Yaakov into his home. It’s up to us to do the same.

-
Notes:

1. The Halevy article in The New Republic is available, at least for now, here.

2. R' Yochanan ben Zakkai is credited with greeting everyone first on Berachos 17a, and Succah 28a is where he is described as not wasting a moment. Chagigah 22a is the gemara on the red heifer, and 26a is on the measures of unity for Yom Tov.

3. We could also add a discussion of the Rambam, Hilchos Teshuvah 3:1, on one who is poreish min hatzibbur, separating from the community, by performing mitzvot alone.

4. My point is not to provide a commercial for Chabad, but rather to provide motivation for others. Perhaps I have produced both.

Torah Web resources

[Note: I wrote this in a bad mood, so it's a little darker than I would like. Still, I believe the message is essentially correct, so I am leaving it as is.]

Two weeks ago I taught a class on "21st century Jewish publishing."

My main talk was really about modern changes in the way we think about creating content and marketing content, as well as the way that marketplace changes are affecting the quality and type of content being produced.

One of my main conclusions is that the fate of Torah on the web is to be largely, with relatively rare exception, amateurish in quality and poorly presented. There is no comparison between the parshah websites out there and what one will find in a beis medrash, or in a sefer printed before printing became cheap and easy. Sources are mis-quoted, pesukim are mis-quoted, simple ideas are passed off as deep, it's just sad.

This is because serious scholars are, with rare exception, not publishing on the web, and the people who are publishing on the web have no incentive, in terms of market or audience demand, for putting real work into what they produce.

I include myself very much in this. The divrei torah I post on this blog, other than the ones that are reproduced from my shul material, do not involve a lot of research. I don't put up erroneous things (I think!) , but I don't present the full depth of a topic, either. When I am blogging, I generally just write about whatever has been going through my head, and that in shorthand.

Bottom line: If no one will criticize, and no one will incentivize, the work will be less thorough. It's true in every field of labor. Pride in one's work does not win out over the demands on our time - and when it does win out, most people choose not to publish.

So, that part of the class was pretty much a rant, and I could go on and on about it. However, there are some really good exceptions to this rule. The Webshas and HaMakor sites I created while learning at YU are better than this.

Here are some of the exceptions, from various categories. The list was not meant to be exhaustive, by any stretch of the imagination; it was just a sampling of good sites. Please add any other sites you find useful, in the comments:

Jewish texts - Originals and translations
Hebrew language
Mechon-Mamre.org

Seforimonline.org

Esefer.net

Teachittome.com

www.halachabrura.org/alephlink.htm

www.hebrewbooks.org

English

www.hareidi.org/bible/

www.sacred-texts.com/jud/talmud.htm


Articles
Hebrew
www.daat.co.il

www.kipa.co.il

he.wikipedia.org (Hebrew wikipedia)

www.shemayisrael.com

www.betmidrash.com

www.eretzhemdah.org

English

www.teachittome.com

www.dafyomi.co.il

koltorah.org/ravj/ravj.htm

www.eretzhemdah.org

www.vbm-torah.org

www.yutorah.org

www.torahweb.org


On the Parshah

www.shemayisrael.co.il/parsha/index.htm

www.ou.org

www.aish.com

www.yutorah.org

www.vbm-torah.org

www.torahweb.org


“Ask the Rabbi” resources

www.eretzhemdah.org

www.aish.com

www.kipa.co.il



Email lists

www.aishdas.org/avodah/

www.mail-jewish.org

www.h-net.org/~judaic/


For children, and for parents/teachers of children

www.torahtots.com

www.pirchei.com

www.chinuch.org


Keeping Kosher

star-k.org

kosherquest.org

oukosher.org


Virtual Yeshiva

www.WebYeshiva.org

www.shemayisrael.com


Multimedia - Audio and Video

virtualcantor.com

Jewtube.com

Yutorah.org

Teachittome.com


Reference information

Minyan: godaven.com

Hebrew/English Dictionary: milon.co.il

Instructions for installing Hebrew on Windows XP: www.petri.co.il/install_hebrew_on_windows_xp.htm

Choose a rabbi you can follow

For the past ten years I've been sending out daily "Torah Thought" emails, which I began archiving here one year ago. Occasionally readers reply with questions or comments, and last week I had an interesting exchange with a friend/commenter regarding the role of a rabbi.

The original "Torah Thought" (from Menachot 99b):
"Ben Dama, the nephew of R’ Yishmael, asked R’ Yishmael: I have learned the entire Torah. May someone like me study Greek wisdom?

"R’ Yishmael responded by citing this verse (Joshua 1): ‘This Torah scroll will not leave your mouth, and you will speak of it day and night.’ Go find a time which is neither day nor night, and during that time you may study Greek wisdom."


To which my commenter asked:
Does one truly understand this Gemara to mean that one should not study things other than Torah?, or that it's okay as long as it is not "Greek wisdom" or presumably other philosophy? What is the halacha l'meisah re: this exhortation?

To which I replied:
That, my friend, is one of the truly eternal debates, and the halachah l'maaseh varies among many points of view.

And so my commenter asked:
Given the debate and difference among different knowledgeable people, am I free to choose the view that is most compelling and convincing to me? And, is it then important to be sure that one's Rav sizes up the answer similarly to the one asking the question?


This is where the discussion transcended the specific realm of Torah study vs. secular study and became a general discussion about the rabbi's role:

1) Can I (as student/congregant) choose between valid opinions on my own, or do I need to consult a rabbi?

2) If I need to consult a rabbi, how do I choose one? Or should I be choosing at all - perhaps I should just accept the person the geographic community around me accepts?

To which I would say the following:

First: I believe, per Avot 2:1, that I may not make a decision like the one mentioned above about Torah/secular study on my own; I need the counsel of objective others, or at least an objective other - a rabbinic expert. I am biased by my own preferences, and may not read the sources accurately in making this decision.

Second: I must choose a rabbi rather than follow whoever is around; see Eruvin 47b, which notes that not every rabbi is a good fit for everyone.

Third: So how do I choose a rabbi? I believe that I must choose a rabbi I can follow, meaning one whose orientation and approach is one I can understand and accept. Of course, that orientation and approach must be firmly grounded in Torah sources and in solid mentors, but I must also feel that I will be able to find myself in his Torah, that his guidance will help me grow in Torah.

At the same time, going back to my earlier point, I cannot choose a specific rabbi because his opinions and practices mirror my own. Then I would be my own rabbi - which is as bad as being your own lawyer or barber. Rather, I should choose a rabbi who will, again, help me to grow, even demand that I grow, along a path that is consistent with Torah and with my ideals and personality.

And so I replied:
I'd say we all need an objective Torah voice, someone with nothing to gain and with a view anchored in Torah, to help us answer these questions for ourselves. We are too biased by our own experiences and interests. That person, I'd think, should be one's Rav.

But I'm a rabbi by profession, so maybe I'm biased. What do you think?

Reward, Punishment and Pirkei Avot Part II

In Part I, we saw that Pirkei Avot, which teaches us so much about Jewish ethics, spends a lot of time on our anticipation of reward and punishment, as incentives to Jewish practice.

Why does Pirkei Avot spend so much time on emphasizing incentives, instead of the innate morality of Jewish ethics?

I see five possible reasons, which may be operating in tandem here (since none of them explain all of the emphasis):

1) Reward and punishment is key to the whole concept of mitzvot and aveirot, commandments and transgressions. Gd says that right off the bat in Bereishit 4:7, in addressing Kayin (Cain) and admonishing him to improve his deeds.

2) Divine justice shows that ethical behavior is not only a social need, it is also a religious, bein adam laMakom need, very much part of being a good Jew as well as a good citizen. Think Bereishit 18:19 where Gd describes "the path of Gd" as being the practice of righteousness and justice. Think of the first mishnah in Avot, which anchors ethics in Jewish tradition and Torah.

3) Insistence on Divine reward and punishment, and particularly on life in the next world, is a major response to theodicy, the problem of seeing apparently good people who suffer and apparently evil people who thrive. This problem is a major disincentive to ethical behavior (see Kohelet 3:19-22), and so it must be addressed (as it is explicitly in Avot 4:15).

4) Reward and punishment work as an incentive for good behavior, as noted by Therapydoc in a comment here.

5) And, finally, if we present Gd as just and fair, then we have a role model for our own behavior. The Torah repeatedly tells us to imitate Gd, and it even gives us specific examples (Bereishit 18:21) to show how Gd judges carefully and fairly; we are meant to do the same.

There is much more to say, but I'm on the run today...

Reward and Punishment and Pirkei Avot

I teach a weekly class on Jewish Ethics, and for the past few months we've been looking at the ethical ideals taught in Pirkei Avot, tracing them to their roots in Tanach and then discussing their applications.

This week we're starting to look at how we use Divine reward and punishment as an incentive for our own ethical behavior, or that of our children. In preparing it, I was surprised to realize just how much of Pirkei Avot is devoted to discussing reward and punishment.

Here are the passages which deal directly with Reward and Punishment, whether via Divine intervention or natural consequence (numbering from the Bar Ilan CD version):

Reassurance of general reward
2:2 - Gd will reward you as if you had done everything
2:14 - Gd is credible to reward you
2:15 - Gd is pressing you to act, and there is great reward coming
2:16 - If you will achieve a lot, you will receive great reward, and Gd is credible to reward you
3:5 - If you will accept the yoke of torah, other yokes will be removed from you
3:15 - Your reward is based on your deeds
3:16 - The parable of Gd as proprietor of a business
4:9 - One who fulfills Torah from a position of poverty will fulfill it from a position of wealth
4:10 - Gd has great reward to give you if you work hard at Torah
4:11 - One who performs a mitzvah creates an agent for himself
4:14 - We do not understand why the righteous suffer
4:16 - Prepare in this world for the next (the Hallway parable)
4:17 - Contrasts the satisfaction of the next world with the satisfaction of this world
5:1 - Reward for the righteous who build this world
5:2 - Avraham received great reward for repairing the deeds of the previous generations
5:19 - The students of Avraham benefit in this world and the next
5:23 - Reward is commensurate with investment

Reassurance of general punishment
1:6 - Do not abandon the belief in ultimate punishment
4:9 - One who fails to fulfill Torah from a position of wealth will fail to fulfill it from a position of poverty
4:11 - One who transgresses creates an agent against himself
4:14 - We do not understand why the wicked prosper
4:22 - There is no escape from punishment in the grave
5:1 - Punishment for wicked people who destroy this world
5:19 - The students of Bilam suffer in this world and the next

Statements that specific good deeds will be rewarded
2:7 - When you acquire Torah you acquire life in the next world
3:2 - Gd even rewards a person who sits and studies alone
3:13 - Tithes are a way to protect one's wealth
4:6 - One who honors Torah will be honored by others
5:14 - Reward for study, and for travelling to study
5:20 - One who is modest will earn Gan Eden

Statements that specific bad deeds will be punished
2:6 - You drowned others, and so you will be drowned
3:8 - One who willfully forgets his learning is liable for his life
3:11 - One who "reveals aspects of Torah" against halachah has no share in the next world
4:4 - Punishment for private desecration of Gd's Name
5:8-9 - Specific punishments for specific sins
5:18 - There is no forgiveness for one who causes others to sin
5:20 - One who is brazen will end up in Gehennom

We should use reward as an incentive for mitzvot
2:1 - Work at all mitzvot, because you don’t know the reward of mitzvot
2:1 - Calculate the reward and loss involved in each mitzvah
2:4 - Nullify your will for Gd's, so that Gd will nullify His will for yours

We should use punishment-aversion as an incentive for Torah-observance
2:1 - Remember that Gd records your deeds, and you won’t sin
2:1 - Calculate the reward and loss involved in each transgression
3:1 - You won’t sin if you remember that you will have to give an accounting before Gd

Do not pursue reward here for mitzvot
1:3 - Do not be as servants who serve their master on the condition that they will receive reward, but rather be as servants who serve their master without the condition that they will receive reward
1:13 - One who uses the crown of Torah for his own gain will pass on
2:12 - All of your deeds should be for the sake of heaven
4:5 - One who benefits from Torah is liable for his life

Notes:
1. I did not include passages on certain tendencies or transgressions "removing a person from this world," because I am not sure that this refers to punishment or suffering. I know you could similarly quibble with some of the passages I did include here, but I trust the trends are clear.

2. I did not include the sixth chapter, because, as is known, it isn't.

Why does Pirkei Avot, an ethical work, expend so much energy on our expectation of reward?

To be continued, perhaps, with my answers to that question... [Part II is now up here.]

Newsworthy tzniut?

[Haveil Havalim is here!]

This morning, while driving home from minyan, I heard a report on the radio (WKYW-Philadelphia) about a couple, both abstinence educators, who were married this weekend. The reporter observed, in tones of astonishment, that the couple had never mated, never kissed, never watched a movie lying down together, never even been alone in a house together.

Yes, apparently in a world of Mumbai terror attacks, a depressed economy, a presidency in transition, Thanksgiving celebrations, and trampled Wal-Mart workers, these topics - kiruv basar/yichud (non-marital physical contact/seclusion) - are still worthy of a headline.

I went on-line and found this report at the AP website:

CHICAGO (AP) — Won't kiss on the first date? How about waiting until marriage?

Chicagoans Melody LaLuz and Claudaniel Fabien shared their first kiss Saturday at the altar. The two teach abstinence at the city's public schools and practiced what they preached to their teenage students.

The Chicago Tribune reports that the couple had never kissed and that they had never been alone together in a house.

A friend of LaLuz says wedding guests cheered and stomped during the two-minute smooch between the 28-year-old bride and the 30-year-old groom.

LaLuz and Fabien say they have no worries about how they will spend their honeymoon in the Bahamas.

Technically, of course, this is not tzniut; Tzniut is privacy. A two-minute public smooch, not to mention the explicit declarations about their evening and honeymoon plans that made it into other reports of the happy occasion, do not qualify as private. [And don't get me started on the crude adages that made it into the radio report - "Try before you buy" on one side, and "You can't drive the car off the lot until you pay for it" on the other.]

Nonetheless, this happy couple did buck the cultural trend and observe some elements of the practices mandated by Judaism. For that I can salute them.

As to the reporter, well, perhaps he could use some time out of mainstream American and European culture to observe the way other societies do things.

Rivkah, Mumbai, and Us: Why me? (Derashah Toldot 5769)

Even in India;
Even in the middle of what is fundamentally a war between Muslim and Hindu;
Even when the terrorists, Deccan Mujahideen or Indian Mujahideen, make demands not about Palestine and imprisoned Hamas terrorists but about Kashmir and about Muslim prisoners in Indian jails;
the death toll still includes Jews, in a Jewish center, targeted months in advance because they are Jews.

Rivka’s anguished cry, from the beginning of this week’s parshah, is echoed in our mouths, generations later: אם כן, למה זה אנכי? If this is the way it is to be, Gd, then why me?


Rivkah, plucked from her home in Aram, is childless with her husband Yitzchak for twenty years. She pleads with Gd for a child; ויעתר is the verb the Torah uses for her prayer, a term which literally means, “she turned with a pitchfork.” She twisted and turned in her angst. And then Gd responded and she conceived - but she felt great pain in the pregnancy.

The pain drove Rivkah not to a medical healer, but to Gd, because she took her infertility and then her difficult pregnancy as a definitive sign from Gd: You are not worthy. She cried out, אם כן למה זה אנכי, "Then why did You pick me?! I’m not like Avraham and Sarah, who came to you themselves. I’m not like Yitzchak, who was born into this. Maybe I’m not worthy, because I’m not great. Maybe it’s because of my parents, my brother Lavan, who are not worthy. But You Picked Me, Gd - so why are You putting me through this?"


And this has been the cry of Jews since time immemorial. Under the lash and boot of Egyptians and Assyrians and Babylonians, crushed by Greek and Persian and Roman and Byzantine, murdered by Christian and Muslim and atheist, the Jew has cried out, למה זה אנכי, Why me? בכל דוד עומדים עלינו לכלותנו, in every generation they rise up against us, to kill us. Why me?


And there is an answer as well, a Divine response which lacks the sheer force of Rivkah’s protest, but which nonetheless speaks to her and to us with a Divine logic borne out by the evidence of our history, generation by generation.

Gd tells Rivkah, שני גויים בבטנך, there are two nations in your womb. Two nations are going to emerge and separate, and one is going to be greater than the other, and the elder will serve the younger. This is going to be a problem, to say the least - how will the right one survive? How will the right one receive the blessings he is supposed to be receive?

You, Rivkah, were picked with a definite plan in mind. You learned how to deal with cunning when you grew up with Lavan, you displayed your great heart when you helped Eliezer at the well, and you demonstrated your strength when you overrode your family and agreed to come to Canaan with Eliezer. You, Rivkah, have the ability to deal with these two children, you have the heart to embrace an Esav, the strength to promote Yaakov over him, and the cunning to make it happen.

Why you? Because you are uniquely suited to the task.


This is the answer for the Jew across the generations, as well. It is you because you have the stubborn courage to refuse to die or assimilate. More, it is you because you have the wits and guts to flourish despite every attempt to subdue you.

The “lachrymose theory of Jewish history,” as Salo Baron labelled it, fails to do justice to the story of our generations. Yes, there were Romans who destroyed the Beis haMikdash, but there were also Yavneh and Tzippori as well as exiled communities which survived and thrived. Yes, there were Crusades, but there were also Jewish communities in France and Germany and points east and south which survived and thrived. Yes, there were Inquisition and Expulsion, but there were also Jewish communities in Tzfat and Turkey and Holland and Brazil which survived and thrived. And yes, there was a Holocaust, but there were also Jewish communities in Israel and America which survived and thrived.

For every moment when we have cried out, למה זה אנכי, Why me, the answer has been, Because you can.


This is not a comforting answer; it does not explain why anyone must suffer, it does not explain the inhumanity of humanity, it does not explain why Gd watches without bringing a halt to the bloodshed - but Rivkah is not someone who seeks comfort. Rivkah helped Eliezer at the well not for the sake of riches or reward, but because she knew it to be the right thing to do. Rivkah left her family homeland without a comforting Divine promise. Rivkah calculatingly deprived her elder son of his blessing, knowing all along the pain it would bring him. Rivkah is not concerned with comfort; she only wants to know that there is a plan, that there is a למה, a reason why. It is this reason Why, that HaShem provides for Rivkah, and for us.


At the end of our Haftorah, Malachi speaks of two others who were “chosen” for special missions - Aharon and Pinchas. Both of them had reason to ask למה זה אנכי, Why Me. Aharon lost two sons. Pinchas suffered attacks and alienation for his lineage and for his actions in killing Zimri. But each of them had a unique mission, Aharon to be Moshe’s prophet and to be the prototypical Kohen, and Pinchas to lead, across generations, with fire and strength - and HaShem said of them, “Because they fulfilled My mission, בריתי היתה אתו, החיים והשלום,” “My covenant is with them - for life and for peace.”

May the victims in Mumbai, and all of us as well, come to know that covenant of life and peace as well.


-
Notes:
1. This was the best I could do to address the topic today; I hope it will help someone deal with it. Thanks to Rabbi Yonah Gross of Phoenix for catalyzing the idea.

2. It is popular to translate Rivkah's question as, "Why do I have to suffer?" but that reads in the word "to suffer," which is not in the sentence. For more on this go here. Clearly, this version of the question better fits the Divine reply.

3. Ibn Ezra (Malachi 2:6) says that Malachi 2:5-2:7 refer to Aharon and Pinchas.

4. I love Salo Baron's view of the "lachrymose theory of Jewish history." I can't stand Jewish education which focuses on how much we have suffered; far better to talk about how much we have built, despite our enemies!

Can't get my mind off Nariman/Chabad House in Mumbai - and Google Trends

I can't get going today.

I couldn't get anything done last night, either; I stayed up way too late trying to develop a derashah for Shabbos, and came up empty-handed. I keep going back to Mumbai.

Part of it is the fault of Twitter. I never really used it before, but now, by searching Twitter for Chabad - or, more successfully, for Nariman - I was able to get second-by-second reports, from India, on what was going on. Forget CNN and all the others; this was, literally, second-by-second.

So I got nothing done - nothing of substance, and nothing bloggy either. I had a few blog posts in mind during the last few days, but I didn't end up writing any of them; the funny ones felt inappropriate for my mood, and the serious ones felt less-than-relevant.

(It's too bad; I was drafting a good one on "Top Ten Reasons why Thanksgiving is not a Jewish Holiday." Items like, "No limitations on what you eat, and when," and "Stores give away holiday fixings for free, instead of raising the price astronomically." Maybe next year.)

All of which means that now it's mid-morning on Friday and I still don't have a derashah. I've been mulling a bunch of ideas:
*Yaakov's anxiety and HaShem's admonition to Yaakov to have no fear;
*Esav degrading the birthright by walking away and us degrading our birthright when we live outside of Israel;
*The parallels between the story of Esav and Yaakov and the food at the start of the parshah, and the story of the Jews wanting food from Esav's descendants, Edom, when they enter Israel;
*The three meals of the parshah - the lentils, the peace meal with Avimelech, and the meal for Yitzchak;
*The way Yitzchak is described, in close proximity and with the same terminology, as loving Esav and loving food.
Lots of interesting ideas - but no derashah.

And I just looked at Google Trends, to see how people are looking at what's going on in Mumbai - only to discover that Mumbai doesn't crack this morning's Top 10 searches. Here's the list, if you can believe it:

1. o.h.m.s.
2. blackfridayinfo.com
3. gina carano pics
4. synchronicity foundation
5. black friday online deals
6. rush propst
7. apple store
8. barry manilow
9. walmart.com
10. staples coupons

Surreal.

The six inches in front of your face

The other day, I happened across Al Pacino's "Game of Inches" monologue from Any Given Sunday. I was floored, it's so good; what mussar! I'm a sucker for blood-and-guts inspirational monologues.

Here's the transcript, which really doesn't do Pacino's voice, emphasis and heart justice. (You can find a video here; note that it includes profanity.)

I don’t know what to say really.

Three minutes till the biggest battle of our professional lives; all comes down to today. Either we heal as a team or we’re gonna crumble. Inch by inch, play by play, till we’re finished. We’re in hell right now gentlemen. Believe me. And, we can stay here and get the s* kicked out of us, or we can fight our way back, into the light. We can climb out of hell. One inch at a time.

Now, I can’t do it for you. I’m too old. I look around and I see these young faces and I think. I mean, I made every wrong choice a middle-aged man can make. I p*ed away all my money, believe it or not. I chased off anyone who has ever loved me. And, lately, I can’t even stand the face I see in the mirror.

You know, when you get old in life, things get taken away from you. That’s part of life. But, you only learn that when you start losing stuff. You find out life’s this game of inches. So is football. Because in either game, life or football, the margin for error is so small. I mean, one half step too early or too late and you don’t quite make it. One half-second too slow or too fast and you don’t quite catch it. The inches we need are everywhere around us. They’re in every break of the game; every minute, every second.

On this team, we fight for that inch. On this team we tear ourselves and everyone else around us to pieces for that inch. We claw with our fingernails for that inch. Because we know when we add up all those inches, that’s what gonna make the f*ing difference between winning - and losing. Between living - and dying.

I’ll tell you this: In any fight, it’s the guy who’s willing to die who’s gonna win that inch. And I know if I’m gonna have any life anymore, it’s because I’m still willing to fight and die for that inch. Because that’s what living is. The six inches in front of your face.

Now I can’t make you do it. You have to look at the guy next to you. Look into his eyes. Now I think you're gonna see a guy who will go that inch with you. You're gonna see a guy who will sacrifice himself for this team because he knows when it comes down to it; you're gonna do the same for him.

That’s a team gentlemen. And, either we heal, now as a team, or we will die as individuals. That’s football, guys. That’s all it is.

Now, what are you gonna do ?

One funny thing, though - when Pacino says "I know if I’m gonna have any life anymore, it’s because I’m still willing to fight and die for that inch. Because that’s what living is," I hear Stallone/Rocky telling his son in Rocky Balboa, "But it ain't about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!"

My imagination? Coincidence? Or imitation, the sincerest form of flattery?

Four items from today

Just four quick items that I found interesting today...

1) I taught a Navi (Prophets) class at noon; we were looking at the first chapter in Yehoshua.

I love this chapter; it’s loaded with emotion and psychology, as well as the greater Jewish mission and legacy.
Count up the number of times Moshe is named vs. the number of times Yehoshua is named, and how.
Note the iteration and reiteration of חזק ואמץ, Be strong and courageous.
Study the descriptions of Moshe as servant of Gd, and Yehoshua as servant of Moshe.
And much, much more.

But the end of the chapter gives me a great kick - the tribes of Reuven, Gad and (semi-)Menashe pledge loyalty to Yehoshua, saying, “As long as Gd is with you as He was with Moshe, we will follow you in the same way we follow Moshe.”

Talk about an undesirable pledge of support - what does Yehoshua think when he hears those words? Does he have visions of Meraglim, Korach, Eldad and Meidad?!


2) I taught a class in Sefer Chasidim (Rabbi Yehudah haChasid), and we came across a remarkable exchange. I love the stories in Sefer Chasidim; I don’t always understand them, but he has such a love for irony and humor.

In this particular story, one student prays, “May it be Gd’s will that my wife conceive, if the baby will live. If the baby will not live, may it be Gd’s will that she not conceive.” Then another student prays, simply, “May it be Gd’s will that my wife conceive.”

The former student turns to the latter and points out that the Shunamite woman whose son appears to have died says she would have preferred never to have been pregnant in the first place!

To which the latter replies, “Right now, I pray for conception. Once there is a child, I will pray for survival.”


3) Tonight I was learning Daat Tevunot (R’ Moshe Chaim Luzzatto; Ramchal) with a chavrusa, and we encountered his description of Mazal. I must preface that I generally find Ramchal to be very heavy, and I sense that I am not grasping even one-tenth of what he is trying to convey.

According to this philosopher, Gd sometimes runs the world with reward and punishment, but at other times Gd shifts gears and acts based on whatever will bring about the ultimate improvement of the universe, even if that does not fit the general pattern of reward and punishment. This is what is called “Mazal.”

Through this Ramchal has found a way to explain the gemara’s use of “Mazal” (as in, “Children, lifespan and livelihood are not dependent upon merit, but upon Mazal” - Moed Katan 28a) as something which is not chance, but rather is very much within Divine control.

But Ramchal is clearly very uncomfortable with this, and he then takes a step back, saying that even when Gd acts out of Mazal, He still fits it into a system of reward and punishment, conveying good to those who have some good coming to them anyway, and vice versa.


4) And last, I was preparing a History shiur on the Censorship of Jewish Books, and came across something I last saw a few years back, which gave me a good laugh then and now.

When, during the 1830’s edition of the Russo-Turkish War, the Russian church wanted to censor our books, they took out every use of the word גוי (goy) and replaced it with the word Turk.

Among other ludicrous readings, this yielded the following text for a paragraph in Tachanun:
May the guardian of the holy Turk guard the remnant of the holy nation,
And may the Holy Turk, who recite three Kedushot, not be destroyed.

Too

Too sneezy. Too itchy. Too irregular. Too splotchy. Too pale. Too hot. Too cold. Too many diapers. Too few diapers. Too many tears. Too few tears.

Too tired. Too all-over-the-place. Too focussed. Too rambunctious. Too good at sitting. Too anxious. Too relaxed. Too sleepy. Too awake.

Too slow to pull up. Too quick to get out of her crib. Too attached to crawling. Too attached to his blanket. Too clumsy.

Too hungry. Too full. Too picky. Too gluttonous. Too sparse an eater. Too ravenous.

Too into reading. Too uninterested in reading. Too musical. Too math-focussed. Too artistic. Too inquisitive. Too unquestioning. Too intellectual. Too physical. Too missing-the-forest-for-the-trees. Too big-picture.

Too loud. Too quiet. Too silly. Too serious. Too impetuous. Too respectful. Too adventurous. Too timid. Too quick to lash out. Too quick to cry.

Too slow-moving. Too frenetic. Too absent-minded. Too stubborn. Too laid-back. Too demanding. Too immediate. Too harsh. Too shrill. Too quiet to get attention.

Too into her siblings. Too uninterested in his siblings. Too sensitive. Too insensitive. Too emotionally disconnected. Too self-conscious. Too socially unaware. Too vulnerable. Too peer-driven. Too afraid of confrontation. Too blunt. Too direct. Too shy. Too uninhibited. Too apt to befriend the wrong kid. Too apt to befriend no kids.

Too Moshe. Too Aharon. Too Sarah. Too Rachel. Too Dovid. Too Batsheva. Too Naval. Too Avigayil. [These are biblical role models who present very different personalities.]

Too like-that-picture-on-the-Huggies-box. Too like-that-guy-in-the-anti-drug-commercial.

Too tall for his age. Too light for her height. Too physically uncoordinated. Too gangly. Too energetic.

Too lacking table manners. Too neurotic about table manners. Too conscious of body image. Too unaware of appearances. Too likely to say just the wrong thing. Too eager to say just the right thing.

Too generous. Too hoarding. Too lackadaisical with her belongings. Too afraid to throw anything out. Too scavenging. Too picky.

Too unpredictable. Too likely to decide to lop off some of her hair. Too tame. Too in need of outlets. Too in need of stimulation. Too bored. Too wild.


One of our children has lately become somewhat… creatively unpredictable, but I’ve been having a hard time taking it seriously. I find this child’s recent behavior funny, energetic, uninhibited, and well in line with what children her age normally do. I’m tired of the Toos imposed upon us by ourselves, by the expectations, real or imagined, of friends and family and teachers and doctors and school nurses. I don’t want to attach a Too to funny, to energetic, to uninhibited.

It’s bad enough that we have too many Toos regarding ourselves; I hope to spare my children, for as long as I can, this Tooitis.

[Haveil Havalim is here; go read it!]

Yisrael asks a question; how about you? (Derashah Chayyei Sarah 5769)

A king summoned his noblemen, demanding tribute. The aristocrats met in secret and decided that they would refuse at first, to test the king’s resolve.

When they arrived and the king made his demands, they started to refuse, as planned. Unfortunately, they had underestimated the king’s belligerence; he ordered his guards to execute them on the spot. Two of them were killed before the rest threw themselves at his feet and pledged to pay.

The remaining nobles explained that the executed ones had also meant to pay, and their refusal had just been a bargaining tactic. The king regretted the loss of his funds - which goes to show you, “Don't hatchet your counts before they chicken.”


Avraham, too, is in a bargaining situation as our parshah begins, when he attempts to purchase a burial plot for Sarah - but rather than bargain down, Avraham insists on bargaining up.

The Chiti tribe, dwellers of the area, tell Avraham to take the land for free - and Avraham says, “No, free is no good - I’ll pay full price.”

Efron, owner of the plot, refuses Avraham’s offer. “Free, it has to be free, I won’t take a dime.”
Avraham thinks it over and declines, “No, I can’t do that. I’ll pay full price.”

And so Efron says, “Well, you drive a hard bargain - 400 silver coins, then.” And Avraham gladly pays it.

According to one midrash, Avraham refuses to take free land because he is a man of the world: He knows his neighbors and he understands the way the game is played.

Avraham knows very well what will happen the next day, after he has buried Sarah: Someone is going to complain that the land doesn’t belong to Avraham, that he’s stolen it from them. Then, with Sarah already interred, Avraham will have to pay whatever they demand! So Avraham pre-emptively pays today’s full price.


Contrast Avraham’s savvy with the willful naivete implicit in his son Yitzchak's actions. In next week’s parshah, Avimelech, the Philistine king, guarantees the safety of Yitzchak and his wife, Rivkah. He declares, “If anyone so much as touches this man and his wife, they will be put to death.”

Unlike his father, Yitzchak has never spent the time learning about his neighbors, and so he trusts them and he invests in a major ranching operation. His trust turns out to be misplaced; the Philistines fill in his wells, and tell him to move along.

Yitzchak moves down the road and again sets up shop and digs more wells - only to have the local shepherds co-opt his new wells for themselves, too.


Avraham and Yitzchak take fundamentally different positions regarding their neighbors - Avraham learns their ways, understands them and plays their game, but Yitzchak refrains from playing that game; he doesn’t want to know.

These two paths point to two different ways a Jew can interact with the world around him: Avraham promotes interaction, and Yitzchak remains to himself.

This is not a choice between a right way and a wrong way - Avraham and Yitzchak present two different Jewish orientations, one which views Jewish life as something to be shared through interaction with the greater world and the other which sees its entire existence and validation within the four amot of Torah itself. The one, Avraham, devotes his energies to attracting people to Judaism, whether in Charan or in Chevron. The other, Yitzchak, refuses to get involved.


These two approaches persist in Jewish history. Although at times, in certain societies, one view has gained primacy over the other, each has always had its adherents and each has taken a turn as the dominant Jewish approach.

In the days of the mishnah, under Roman tyranny, the Jews of Eretz Yisrael generally adopted a Yitzchak orientation, prohibiting studying secular philosophy and wearing secular garb, interacting with Roman society only as necessary for political survival. This is the generation in which Rabbi Akiva banned the study of ספרי מינים, the work of heretics - even as other sages went to debate philosophy with Romans at places like בי אבידן.

In 12th century Egypt the Rambam pushed the other way, promoting the ideas of Aristotle within the Torah’s philosophy, and encouraging study of the sciences for people who had already consumed the canon of Torah. But, on the other hand, there were those who pushed back and even wished to ban the Rambam’s works for their non-Jewish content.

Fast-forward to the 18th century and the Vilna Gaon in Lithuania takes the Yitzchak view, criticizing the Rambam’s absorption in Aristotelian thought. Rav Boruch Ber took the same tack a century later, explicitly prohibiting attending college. But the Avraham view persisted in the work of Rav Shimshon Raphael Hirsch in Germany and Rav Yosef Dov Soloveitchik in America, as they argued for an understanding of the broader world and a knowledgeable engagement with that broader landscape.


Last week, we hosted a speaker who spoke engagingly, from an academic’s perspective, about the historic evolution of the books we know as Siddur, Sefer Torah and Gemara.

Certainly, a secular academic approach varies, at times, from the approach of a religious scholar; we each bring our own prejudices to the table. But from the perspective of the Avraham vs. Yitzchak debate, a religious Jew has two choices regarding such discussions: We may choose the method of Avraham, engage it and debate it and wrestle with it. Or we may choose the method of Yitzchak, and leave the academics to their own realm. Each approach has a legitimate Jewish pedigree.

I opted to bring in this speaker and have that conversation because, by and large, American Jewry, and certainly Allentonian Jewry, has already opted for an Avraham approach just as strongly as Rabbi Akiva’s Jewry opted for a Yitzchak approach. We read newspapers, we surf the Net, we debate American politics and watch football and basketball and baseball and hockey. This is an approach of openness to the world around us - and if we are going to follow that path, then we had best do so honestly, with a full awareness of what that world has to say about our Torah.


This week, Kiddush is sponsored, in part, in honor of Yisrael Wiener’s new book, “Yisrael Asks a Question.”

I had a chance to look at Yisrael’s book in shul two weeks ago, and then I read samples from it on-line at blurb.com. It’s a great read, presenting questions like, “Mommy, do Native Americans have museums about us?” and “Mommy, did we see that movie in America or in New York?”

There’s a lot we could say about this book, and I’d encourage everyone to take the opportunity to look at it, out in the lobby, after davening. But in the context of our discussion this morning: The Avraham approach mandates that we inquire, that we ask Questions.

Questions are the way we engage the world, the way we express doubt or discomfort or interest. If we choose to live the model of Avraham, if we believe that we are to engage the world, to be involved with the world, then we each need to write a book of our own - “Mordechai asks a question,” “Amram asks a question,” “Mike asks a question.” To hear the ideas of an academic, of the broader world, not necessarily to accept them but to take Avraham’s approach of questioning them and understanding them, and so grow into a greater, deeper, stronger engagement with the world around us.

Thank you, Yisrael, for your book. Yisrael has asked a question; now, it is our turn.


-
Notes:
1. I haven't posted derashot in a while because at this time of year I teach classes after kiddush on Shabbat instead of before minchah, and I have been using the class as the derashah as well.

2. Yisrael Wiener is a second grader at the Jewish Day School of the Lehigh Valley.

3. Sorry for the pun at the start, but I wanted a joke about bargaining. It comes from this site; you can blame them.

4. That midrash on Avraham's purchase is the classic one about our ancestors purchasing three sites in Israel specifially to avoid dispute (lot of good that did us...) - it's found in Bereishit Rabbah 79:7.

5. It seems to me that my explanation of Avraham's refusal to take the land for free also works to explain ואל תאמר אני העשרתי את אברהם, Avraham's refusal to take the spoils of war.

6. This derashah does tie into the approach of our ancestors to civic involvement, as well; see my derashah here. We could also extend the discussion to Yaakov, who takes on the traits of those around him when masking himself as Esav and Lavan, and to Yosef, who learns the ways of the others but triumphs as a נער עברי, specifically.