Sunday, June 5, 2011
Five years since I last saw this
It's been almost five years since I last saw this, but I'm up late working on a shiur and I remembered it out of the blue. Gd bless the Internet, nothing ever disappears: Denis Leary, Kevin Youkilis and Mel Gibson.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
You want us to make ourselves vulnerable to this?
CNN has this article running today, on "crimes against humanity" in Syria:
Report: Syrian abuses could be 'crimes against humanity'
The Syrian regime has carried out a "systematic" series of abuses against protesters that could "qualify as crimes against humanity," and the United Nations must hold the government accountable, a leading humanitarian watchdog organization said Wednesday.
Human Rights Watch makes these assertions in a report titled "'We've Never Seen Such Horror': Crimes against Humanity in Daraa."
The 57-page document contains chilling detail from dozens of victims and witnesses to abuses in Daraa province, the southwestern Syrian powder keg where the anti-government protest movement began in mid-March before spreading across the country. The government reacted with a tough crackdown against protesters.
At present, the report says, there have been about 887 deaths "across Syria," including at least 418 people in Daraa province.
"For more than two months now, Syrian security forces have been killing and torturing their own people with complete impunity," said Sarah Leah Whitson, Middle East director at Human Rights Watch.
"They need to stop -- and if they don't, it is the Security Council's responsibility to make sure that the people responsible face justice."
'We've never seen such horror', indeed.
So tell me - You want us to hand such people the Golan Heights, so that they can do this to us, too? If Syrians will do this to their own, why do you think they'll do any differently to Israelis?
Report: Syrian abuses could be 'crimes against humanity'
The Syrian regime has carried out a "systematic" series of abuses against protesters that could "qualify as crimes against humanity," and the United Nations must hold the government accountable, a leading humanitarian watchdog organization said Wednesday.
Human Rights Watch makes these assertions in a report titled "'We've Never Seen Such Horror': Crimes against Humanity in Daraa."
The 57-page document contains chilling detail from dozens of victims and witnesses to abuses in Daraa province, the southwestern Syrian powder keg where the anti-government protest movement began in mid-March before spreading across the country. The government reacted with a tough crackdown against protesters.
At present, the report says, there have been about 887 deaths "across Syria," including at least 418 people in Daraa province.
"For more than two months now, Syrian security forces have been killing and torturing their own people with complete impunity," said Sarah Leah Whitson, Middle East director at Human Rights Watch.
"They need to stop -- and if they don't, it is the Security Council's responsibility to make sure that the people responsible face justice."
'We've never seen such horror', indeed.
So tell me - You want us to hand such people the Golan Heights, so that they can do this to us, too? If Syrians will do this to their own, why do you think they'll do any differently to Israelis?
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Parenting from the Torah, Week 2: Handling Sibling Rivalry
This Shabbos we'll tackle our second topic in "Parenting from the Torah": Handling Sibling Rivalry.
Here's a digest of the class:
One challenge is basic competition for resources, for which I suggest that parents make sure they actually are providing for their kids's needs, that they don't compare the children (lest that reinforce the impression that they are being judged, and could be rewarded for supremacy with a greater share of the resources), and that any special treatment be explained (as Maharsha seems to indicate that Yosef did, when he gave special gifts to Binyamin).
Another problem is insensitivity to siblings as real, thinking, feeling people, a phenomenon seen in the line cited from Kohelet in the table below. Parents can respond by highlighting the Torah's emphasis on כמוך, Love your neighbor as yourself.
A third issue is frustration with the sibling's behavior. Parents can manage their kids' expectations; Rav Reisman notes that Yirmiyahu stopped complaining about the treatment he received from the Jews, even as that treatment deteriorated, once he stopped expecting better from them.
While managing those expectations and talking about the other siblings, though, parents should be careful not to put down the other kids; Avot d'Rabbi Natan 12 notes that Aharon made peace between people by praising them to each other ("He loves you" "He wants to apologize to you"), not by denigrating them to each other ("He's just crazy" "He doesn't know how to cope").
A fourth issue is the frustration kids can feel with themselves, when they don't live up to their image of themselves. This can lead to ייאוש, hopelessness. Parents can discuss and validate these feelings, as per Mishlei's advice [source in table below] to talk about problems and worries. They can build their children's self-esteem, as Aharon did in greeting everyone warmly, and so inspiring them to follow a righteous path. And parents can be careful not to tear down their kids when they fail; in Pirkei Chinuch, Rav Aviner recommends directing kids in the respectful, constructive way we would criticize adults (as opposed to, "If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, keep your feet off the couch!").
Fifth: Kids often get into such a cycle of fighting that they can't see any other way. Bedtime is always a fight, meals are always a fight, homework is always a fight, family car rides are always a fight, and so on. Parents might break the cycle by describing what success could be like. As the gemara relates, HaShem tried this with Yeravam ben Nevat, as depicted in Sanhedrin 102a, describing how he could walk together with Gd and King David in Gan Eden.
Sixth: Kids take out their tensions and frustrations on their siblings, and parents might mitigate this by teaching their kids to give themselves "time out" when they need it, explaining that no one expects them to be at their best all the time, and that they can learn when to withdraw. As Pirkei Avot observes, people in agitated states should not be interacting with other people.
The last point, at the bottom of the table below, is for parents to explain the importance of Generosity. As noted in the pesukim cited below, HaShem decides the world is worth continuing only when Noach demonstrates that he can give to others - first by feeding the animals, and ultimately by taking some of his food and 'giving it' to Gd as a korban. Children who understand this may be inspired to work on their own generosity.
Of course, certain approaches work better with children of specific ages. This is already a too-short class - I don't know how I'll fit all of this into 45 minutes - and so I'm trying to offer ideas for a range of ages.
The following table comes from the handout I hope to use with the class on Shabbos. The first column on the table describes the problem which leads to fighting, the second column offers an approach the parent can use toward the child, and the third offers a Torah source supporting that approach.
Here's a digest of the class:
One challenge is basic competition for resources, for which I suggest that parents make sure they actually are providing for their kids's needs, that they don't compare the children (lest that reinforce the impression that they are being judged, and could be rewarded for supremacy with a greater share of the resources), and that any special treatment be explained (as Maharsha seems to indicate that Yosef did, when he gave special gifts to Binyamin).
Another problem is insensitivity to siblings as real, thinking, feeling people, a phenomenon seen in the line cited from Kohelet in the table below. Parents can respond by highlighting the Torah's emphasis on כמוך, Love your neighbor as yourself.
A third issue is frustration with the sibling's behavior. Parents can manage their kids' expectations; Rav Reisman notes that Yirmiyahu stopped complaining about the treatment he received from the Jews, even as that treatment deteriorated, once he stopped expecting better from them.
While managing those expectations and talking about the other siblings, though, parents should be careful not to put down the other kids; Avot d'Rabbi Natan 12 notes that Aharon made peace between people by praising them to each other ("He loves you" "He wants to apologize to you"), not by denigrating them to each other ("He's just crazy" "He doesn't know how to cope").
A fourth issue is the frustration kids can feel with themselves, when they don't live up to their image of themselves. This can lead to ייאוש, hopelessness. Parents can discuss and validate these feelings, as per Mishlei's advice [source in table below] to talk about problems and worries. They can build their children's self-esteem, as Aharon did in greeting everyone warmly, and so inspiring them to follow a righteous path. And parents can be careful not to tear down their kids when they fail; in Pirkei Chinuch, Rav Aviner recommends directing kids in the respectful, constructive way we would criticize adults (as opposed to, "If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, keep your feet off the couch!").
Fifth: Kids often get into such a cycle of fighting that they can't see any other way. Bedtime is always a fight, meals are always a fight, homework is always a fight, family car rides are always a fight, and so on. Parents might break the cycle by describing what success could be like. As the gemara relates, HaShem tried this with Yeravam ben Nevat, as depicted in Sanhedrin 102a, describing how he could walk together with Gd and King David in Gan Eden.
Sixth: Kids take out their tensions and frustrations on their siblings, and parents might mitigate this by teaching their kids to give themselves "time out" when they need it, explaining that no one expects them to be at their best all the time, and that they can learn when to withdraw. As Pirkei Avot observes, people in agitated states should not be interacting with other people.
The last point, at the bottom of the table below, is for parents to explain the importance of Generosity. As noted in the pesukim cited below, HaShem decides the world is worth continuing only when Noach demonstrates that he can give to others - first by feeding the animals, and ultimately by taking some of his food and 'giving it' to Gd as a korban. Children who understand this may be inspired to work on their own generosity.
Of course, certain approaches work better with children of specific ages. This is already a too-short class - I don't know how I'll fit all of this into 45 minutes - and so I'm trying to offer ideas for a range of ages.
The following table comes from the handout I hope to use with the class on Shabbos. The first column on the table describes the problem which leads to fighting, the second column offers an approach the parent can use toward the child, and the third offers a Torah source supporting that approach.
| Problem | Approach | Torah Source |
| Competition for resources | Provide their needs Don't compare Explain special treatment | Prosperity and Justice are keys for Peace (Malbim to Michah 4:4) Kayin vs. Reb Zushe Maharsha on Yosef's gift to Binyamin (Maharsha Megilah 16) |
| Insensitivity | How would you feel? | ומי יחוש חוץ ממני (Kohelet 2:25) v ואהבת לרעך כמוך (Vayyikra 19:18) |
| Frustration with the sibling's behavior | Manage expectations Without putting the other down | Yirmiyahu's expectations Aharon's derech of reconciliation (Avot d'Rabbi Natan 12) |
|
|
|
|
| Frustration with themselves | Validate Build self-esteem Don't tear them down | דאגה בלב איש ישחנה (Mishlei 12:25) Aharon's derech of respect (Avot d'Rabbi Natan 12) Rav Aviner on the feet |
| No vision of another way | Describe success | HaShem, Dovid and Yeravam (Sanhedrin 102a) |
| Spillover | Know when you are vulnerable | אין מרצין לאדם בשעת כעסו (Avot 4:18) |
| The Generosity of Noach (Bereishit 8:20-21) | ||
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Evening of Tribute - June 13
I never advertise products on this blog, not even with Google Ads, and I have avoided putting up posts that simply advertise a particular shiur or event; I just don't like the flavor that comes with having that on a blog. But I'm posting the following ad because the cause is important to me – it's about hakaras hatov (expressing gratitude) to the avreichim who have been with our kollel in Toronto for the past two years and who are now "graduating", and it's about hakaras hatov to Rav Azarya Berzon, who has been my co-rosh kollel for these two inaugural years:
Thank Gd, our kollel has provided more than 1500 shiurim for the community over the past two years, published more than 70 issues of "Toronto Torah" to twenty shuls in the community, learned with more than 60 community chavrusos each week, uploaded more than 1000 audio shiurim to YUTorah.org and more than 100 video shiurim to koshertube.com, and so on. And all along, we have done it while representing the Torah and ideals of our parent organizations, Yeshiva University and Torah miTzion. We don't charge for our Torah, but this is an opportunity to recognize what our hard-working members have done.
If you are able to come, the fee is $90 per attendee. There are sponsorship opportunities available as well.
Thank Gd, our kollel has provided more than 1500 shiurim for the community over the past two years, published more than 70 issues of "Toronto Torah" to twenty shuls in the community, learned with more than 60 community chavrusos each week, uploaded more than 1000 audio shiurim to YUTorah.org and more than 100 video shiurim to koshertube.com, and so on. And all along, we have done it while representing the Torah and ideals of our parent organizations, Yeshiva University and Torah miTzion. We don't charge for our Torah, but this is an opportunity to recognize what our hard-working members have done.
If you are able to come, the fee is $90 per attendee. There are sponsorship opportunities available as well.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Unschooling and a Culture of Instruction
[Please read this: Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper stands up for Israel at the G8]
This morning, toward the end of Psukei d'Zimra, I was invited to give a dvar torah during Musaf. I agreed reluctantly; I don't like to speak without planning, but I also believe it's important to take advantage of opportunities to discuss Torah.
I talked about the classic description (Shabbos 88b) of HaShem holding Mount Sinai over the heads of the Jews, demanding that they accept the Torah, even though they had already volunteered that they would accept the Torah. I offered my own take: That the Jews needed a Culture of Instruction, in addition to the Culture of Volition instituted by their ancestors with their independent pursuit of Gd. Voluntary acceptance of Torah is wonderful, but it must be complemented by a feeling that the will of Gd is compulsory.
The same idea applies to the gemara's assertion (Kiddushin 31a) that there is more reward for fulfilling a mitzvah one has been commanded to do, than in fulfilling a mitzvah one has accepted voluntarily. Certainly, there are several explanations for this idea, but one may be that the Culture of Instruction is critical to service of Gd.
Someone who serves Gd voluntarily, because the ideology resonates with her or because the mitzvos make sense to her, might well reject some particular philosophical point or practical commandment. Volition is wonderful for its elevated use of Free Will, but it must be supplemented with Instruction.
This connects with the end of Parshat Bamidbar (4:19) as well, in which we are told that each Levi was assigned a particular task in taking care of the Mishkan. Sforno comments there that no Levite could rush ahead and take a job based on wanting to do it; each person was given his role. To me, that's part of the same idea; although certain jobs were, indeed, up for those who volunteered, the Culture of Instruction was part of the Mishkan as well.
This afternoon, someone approached me in shul to tell me about a contrasting idea found in an article in today's National Post: Not a Textbook Education talks about "unschooling", or the idea of having children learn through day-to-day life activities rather than through studying required texts. I know little about the field; from the article, it sounds like children are given a lot of latitude, living an unregimented day, and are exposed to different subjects on some level. They then choose what to pursue, and how to pursue it.
I don't know just how extreme this is in practice, so I can't comment on the system. Is it truly open-ended? If a child says, "I don't want to learn how to multiply," or, "I'm not interested in understanding civics", is he left to use a calculator and ignore the political process? If so, I'd be pretty uncomfortable; I do think the Torah's Culture of Instruction is needed, because ignorance of certain fields will make a person a poor citizen.
On the other hand, any parent could tell you that an extreme Culture of Instruction could be just as bad for a child; stifling creativity, mandating a system in which Volition is worthless, will get us nowhere.
So that's what's on my mind this evening.
This morning, toward the end of Psukei d'Zimra, I was invited to give a dvar torah during Musaf. I agreed reluctantly; I don't like to speak without planning, but I also believe it's important to take advantage of opportunities to discuss Torah.
I talked about the classic description (Shabbos 88b) of HaShem holding Mount Sinai over the heads of the Jews, demanding that they accept the Torah, even though they had already volunteered that they would accept the Torah. I offered my own take: That the Jews needed a Culture of Instruction, in addition to the Culture of Volition instituted by their ancestors with their independent pursuit of Gd. Voluntary acceptance of Torah is wonderful, but it must be complemented by a feeling that the will of Gd is compulsory.
The same idea applies to the gemara's assertion (Kiddushin 31a) that there is more reward for fulfilling a mitzvah one has been commanded to do, than in fulfilling a mitzvah one has accepted voluntarily. Certainly, there are several explanations for this idea, but one may be that the Culture of Instruction is critical to service of Gd.
Someone who serves Gd voluntarily, because the ideology resonates with her or because the mitzvos make sense to her, might well reject some particular philosophical point or practical commandment. Volition is wonderful for its elevated use of Free Will, but it must be supplemented with Instruction.
This connects with the end of Parshat Bamidbar (4:19) as well, in which we are told that each Levi was assigned a particular task in taking care of the Mishkan. Sforno comments there that no Levite could rush ahead and take a job based on wanting to do it; each person was given his role. To me, that's part of the same idea; although certain jobs were, indeed, up for those who volunteered, the Culture of Instruction was part of the Mishkan as well.
This afternoon, someone approached me in shul to tell me about a contrasting idea found in an article in today's National Post: Not a Textbook Education talks about "unschooling", or the idea of having children learn through day-to-day life activities rather than through studying required texts. I know little about the field; from the article, it sounds like children are given a lot of latitude, living an unregimented day, and are exposed to different subjects on some level. They then choose what to pursue, and how to pursue it.
I don't know just how extreme this is in practice, so I can't comment on the system. Is it truly open-ended? If a child says, "I don't want to learn how to multiply," or, "I'm not interested in understanding civics", is he left to use a calculator and ignore the political process? If so, I'd be pretty uncomfortable; I do think the Torah's Culture of Instruction is needed, because ignorance of certain fields will make a person a poor citizen.
On the other hand, any parent could tell you that an extreme Culture of Instruction could be just as bad for a child; stifling creativity, mandating a system in which Volition is worthless, will get us nowhere.
So that's what's on my mind this evening.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Secular study and Torah study
[Post I read recently: R' Elyashiv on Automatic Electricity on Shabbos at Life in Israel]
R' Samson Raphael Hirsch, Religious Education, Collected Writings 7:21 -
"Our children need not forego the benefits of a worthwhile secular education; they need not sacrifice the opportunities for the study of the arts and sciences in order to obtain all the treasures of truth and wisdom that Judaism holds for their lives. If both studies are nurtured hand in hand, there will be ample room for both; the one will reinforce the other and the result will be a Jewish education that will find favor in the eyes of both Gd and man."
Of course, Rav Hirsch has much more to say in this essay - on the value of secular education, on choosing Jewish education if you can only do one, on the way that secular education can help create a stronger Jew. I only excerpted this because it was quick to re-type (Rav Hirsch's style of expression generally doesn't lend itself to tweeting!), and thought-provoking.
What do you think?
R' Samson Raphael Hirsch, Religious Education, Collected Writings 7:21 -
"Our children need not forego the benefits of a worthwhile secular education; they need not sacrifice the opportunities for the study of the arts and sciences in order to obtain all the treasures of truth and wisdom that Judaism holds for their lives. If both studies are nurtured hand in hand, there will be ample room for both; the one will reinforce the other and the result will be a Jewish education that will find favor in the eyes of both Gd and man."
Of course, Rav Hirsch has much more to say in this essay - on the value of secular education, on choosing Jewish education if you can only do one, on the way that secular education can help create a stronger Jew. I only excerpted this because it was quick to re-type (Rav Hirsch's style of expression generally doesn't lend itself to tweeting!), and thought-provoking.
What do you think?
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
A tribute to the synagogue secretary
Do you know which shul employee is the most important?
It’s not the custodial staff.
It’s not the caterer or the Kiddush Krew.
It’s not the executive director.
It might be the rabbi, but not necessarily.
The most important shul employee is often the secretary, or administrative assistant, or office manager.
[Note: I will be using the feminine pronoun to refer to the secretary - not because the secretary must be female, but because our secretary in Allentown was female. If you are offended, stop reading now. I am also going to use "secretary" for simplicity, but please note that the following comments relate to the part of the job of the "administrative assistant" and "office manager" as well.]
Of course, importance can mean a lot of different things. The secretary doesn’t run davening, teach classes, raise tzedakah, balance the books, help new families settle or coordinate Chesed - but without the secretary, none of those things could run smoothly. More, the shul can't grow without a good secretary.
The secretary is the external face of the shul
If the secretary answers the phone and her disinterested tone of voice says, “Temple-We-Don’t-Want-Your-Call, how must I begrudgingly help you,” that’s a turn-off for the caller. If a potential new family calls the shul and receives that kind of treatment, this introduction may well be their last contact with the shul.
How common is this turn-off phenomenon? I once experimented by contacting a few different shuls, and reached bored voices and robotic voicemail messages more often than not.
I anonymously emailed several different shuls to ask about joining their email list before I moved to Toronto, mentioning that I might be moving to their area in the next several months. I was stunned - none of the rabbis of these synagogues, and none of their hospitality volunteers, followed up to ask about helping me get settled.
A good secretary feels invested in the shul’s growth, and so she answers the phone enthusiastically, addresses people warmly and conveys information to the rabbi or appropriate others for follow-up. It’s no more than any successful business would do.
The secretary is the internal face of the shul
[Note: This part is less true when the shul has an executive director.]
Have a question about your bill? Call the office - where you will first speak to the secretary. Looking for a dues abatement? Want to sign up for a Shabbos dinner? Would you like to send a donation card in honor of someone’s baby? Speak to the secretary, speak to the secretary, speak to the secretary.
In all of these cases, the secretary needs to be courteous and friendly - and smart. It’s after the sign-up deadline, but the secretary can decide whether to accept the RSVP anyway. This family wants a dues abatement - the secretary can send them to the friendly Finance person or the unfriendly Finance person. Someone sends a Mazal Tov card - a good secretary informs the rabbi of the happy occasion, in case he isn’t aware.
A good secretary knows thinks about the extra step she can take, the better to help all concerned. She cares about the people with whom she interacts.
The secretary is the rabbi’s best friend
But most of all [to me], the secretary is the rabbi’s best friend.
The secretary catches the rabbi when he schedules a class opposite an event. The secretary finds typos in the mailing and corrects them. The secretary copies flyers and source sheets for classes. The secretary reminds the rabbi to start planning for the Simchas Beis haShoevah or Chanukah dinner, or to arrange custodial help for the Shabbos dinner.
The secretary compensates for the rabbi’s mistakes. If the rabbi is late for a meeting, the secretary explains that he’s been very busy, and he’ll certainly be there momentarily - even as she calls his cell phone to make sure he’s not just napping. If the rabbi leaves the office early and someone calls looking for him, she knows where they can find him.
A good secretary forms a partnership with the rabbi, and they each look out for each other.
So, yes, I consider the secretary the most important shul employee. If you have a good one, give her a raise. If you don’t have a good one, get one. Your community, external and internal, as well your rabbi will thank you for it.
It’s not the custodial staff.
It’s not the caterer or the Kiddush Krew.
It’s not the executive director.
It might be the rabbi, but not necessarily.
The most important shul employee is often the secretary, or administrative assistant, or office manager.
[Note: I will be using the feminine pronoun to refer to the secretary - not because the secretary must be female, but because our secretary in Allentown was female. If you are offended, stop reading now. I am also going to use "secretary" for simplicity, but please note that the following comments relate to the part of the job of the "administrative assistant" and "office manager" as well.]
Of course, importance can mean a lot of different things. The secretary doesn’t run davening, teach classes, raise tzedakah, balance the books, help new families settle or coordinate Chesed - but without the secretary, none of those things could run smoothly. More, the shul can't grow without a good secretary.
The secretary is the external face of the shul
If the secretary answers the phone and her disinterested tone of voice says, “Temple-We-Don’t-Want-Your-Call, how must I begrudgingly help you,” that’s a turn-off for the caller. If a potential new family calls the shul and receives that kind of treatment, this introduction may well be their last contact with the shul.
How common is this turn-off phenomenon? I once experimented by contacting a few different shuls, and reached bored voices and robotic voicemail messages more often than not.
I anonymously emailed several different shuls to ask about joining their email list before I moved to Toronto, mentioning that I might be moving to their area in the next several months. I was stunned - none of the rabbis of these synagogues, and none of their hospitality volunteers, followed up to ask about helping me get settled.
A good secretary feels invested in the shul’s growth, and so she answers the phone enthusiastically, addresses people warmly and conveys information to the rabbi or appropriate others for follow-up. It’s no more than any successful business would do.
The secretary is the internal face of the shul
[Note: This part is less true when the shul has an executive director.]
Have a question about your bill? Call the office - where you will first speak to the secretary. Looking for a dues abatement? Want to sign up for a Shabbos dinner? Would you like to send a donation card in honor of someone’s baby? Speak to the secretary, speak to the secretary, speak to the secretary.
In all of these cases, the secretary needs to be courteous and friendly - and smart. It’s after the sign-up deadline, but the secretary can decide whether to accept the RSVP anyway. This family wants a dues abatement - the secretary can send them to the friendly Finance person or the unfriendly Finance person. Someone sends a Mazal Tov card - a good secretary informs the rabbi of the happy occasion, in case he isn’t aware.
A good secretary knows thinks about the extra step she can take, the better to help all concerned. She cares about the people with whom she interacts.
The secretary is the rabbi’s best friend
But most of all [to me], the secretary is the rabbi’s best friend.
The secretary catches the rabbi when he schedules a class opposite an event. The secretary finds typos in the mailing and corrects them. The secretary copies flyers and source sheets for classes. The secretary reminds the rabbi to start planning for the Simchas Beis haShoevah or Chanukah dinner, or to arrange custodial help for the Shabbos dinner.
The secretary compensates for the rabbi’s mistakes. If the rabbi is late for a meeting, the secretary explains that he’s been very busy, and he’ll certainly be there momentarily - even as she calls his cell phone to make sure he’s not just napping. If the rabbi leaves the office early and someone calls looking for him, she knows where they can find him.
A good secretary forms a partnership with the rabbi, and they each look out for each other.
So, yes, I consider the secretary the most important shul employee. If you have a good one, give her a raise. If you don’t have a good one, get one. Your community, external and internal, as well your rabbi will thank you for it.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Despite the AIPAC explanation, all I hear is: Throw the Jew down the well
Listening to President Obama describe the challenges and problems of the Middle East last Thursday, addressing the "problem" of Jewish residence in their ancient land right along with repression of millions; governments that shoot their own citizens; rampant poverty, illiteracy and repression; Sunni-Shiite fighting, and so on, I can only think of Borat's song, "Throw the Jew down the well":
For every problem, there is a simple solution, as there has always been - Throw the Jew down the well, then have a party.
Having now read CNN's positive summary and reivew of the president's Sunday speech at AIPAC, as well as the JTA's takeaways, I do understand his explanation: That he believes this is in Israel's long-term, global interests, and that he wants to see mutually agreed-upon land swaps.
Nonetheless: In making this verbal move, he has given such major diplomatic support to Israel's antagonists that all I hear is this:
In the Middle East there is a problem
And that problem is the Kings
They take all the people’s freedom
And they never give it back
Throw the Jew down the well
So Middle East can be free
If we can make the Middle East judenrein
Then we’ll have a big party
In the Middle East there is a problem
And that problem is Sunni-Shiite war
They blow up each other’s mosques
And supermarkets and schools too
Throw the Jew down the well
So Shiites and Sunnis will make peace
Iran will give up on their nukes
Then we’ll have a big party
In the Middle East there is a problem
And that problem is poverty
Oil money goes to kings and emirs
Whose people are illiterate and broke
Throw the Jew down the well
Kuwait will fund mass literacy
Saudi Arabia will bankroll job growth
Then we’ll have a big party
In the Middle East there is a problem
And that problem is human rights
They block the Net and shut down Twitter
Allow honor killings and slavery
Throw the Jew down the well
So Arab citizens will be free
Muslim countries will tolerate dissent
Then we’ll have a big party
Feel free to add your own verses in the comments... I only wish the Republican Party would put up a decent opposition candidate.
For every problem, there is a simple solution, as there has always been - Throw the Jew down the well, then have a party.
Having now read CNN's positive summary and reivew of the president's Sunday speech at AIPAC, as well as the JTA's takeaways, I do understand his explanation: That he believes this is in Israel's long-term, global interests, and that he wants to see mutually agreed-upon land swaps.
Nonetheless: In making this verbal move, he has given such major diplomatic support to Israel's antagonists that all I hear is this:
In the Middle East there is a problem
And that problem is the Kings
They take all the people’s freedom
And they never give it back
Throw the Jew down the well
So Middle East can be free
If we can make the Middle East judenrein
Then we’ll have a big party
In the Middle East there is a problem
And that problem is Sunni-Shiite war
They blow up each other’s mosques
And supermarkets and schools too
Throw the Jew down the well
So Shiites and Sunnis will make peace
Iran will give up on their nukes
Then we’ll have a big party
In the Middle East there is a problem
And that problem is poverty
Oil money goes to kings and emirs
Whose people are illiterate and broke
Throw the Jew down the well
Kuwait will fund mass literacy
Saudi Arabia will bankroll job growth
Then we’ll have a big party
In the Middle East there is a problem
And that problem is human rights
They block the Net and shut down Twitter
Allow honor killings and slavery
Throw the Jew down the well
So Arab citizens will be free
Muslim countries will tolerate dissent
Then we’ll have a big party
Feel free to add your own verses in the comments... I only wish the Republican Party would put up a decent opposition candidate.
Haveil Havalim #317 - The Lag ba'Omer edition
Welcome to Haveil Havalim #317, the Lag ba'Omer edition!
For those who saw the original title: I changed it because I don't want to let the CEO of Canada South hijack this week's Haveil Havalim. He'll get his due with an entire section in the posts below, but that's it.
And now for the boilerplate:
Founded by Soccer Dad, Haveil Havalim is a carnival of Jewish blogs -- a weekly collection of Jewish and Israeli blog highlights, tidbits and points of interest collected from blogs all around the world. It's hosted by different bloggers each week and coordinated by the formidable Jack And as usual, I include all posts submitted, regardless of my personal opinion on their contents, and I added some from my own browsing.
Post of the Week
Rabbi Daniel Rapp writes movingly about a mentor in Learning from Rabbi Dr. Aaron Levine at Hirhurim.
Lag ba’Omer!
Jacob Richman offers a guide to Educational websites about Lag Ba'Omer, and Rafi has a piece on Rav Shteinman's psak on Lag ba'Omer in Meron at Life in Israel.
Is Lag ba’Omer really Saturday night-Sunday? Check out Harry’s Lag b’Omer is Saturday night. Or maybe not.
And Our Shiputzim talks about the real Iyar Challenge“.
The Obama Speech
My favorite critique is here, at Andrew Breitbart’s Big Hollywood: Gene Simmons Slams President Obama’s Israel Policy.
And perhaps the Arab world didn’t like it either, says Elder of Ziyon.
Matityahu Ben-Yosef presents Stanley Goldfoot’s Zionist Response to Obama’s Middle East Speech, and Batya presents Obama Has Taken Off the Mask
Cosmic X goes point-by-point with The Obama Plan Not Grounded in Middle East Reality, and Yip Bop adds With Friends Like These, Who Needs Friends? - News Beyond News!.
Joe-Settler puts it simply: Netanyahu Bibi-Slaps Obama, at the Muqata, while Eric looks at recent history of US-Israel relations in The Democrats and Israel.
The Personal and the Off-Beat
ProfK offers Paraprosdokians to lighten the day at Conversations in Klal.
Jack needs 50 comments at, well, This post requires 50 comments...Ready...Go...
Kindred Spirit writes personally and powerfully in Leap of Faith, and Mystery Woman details an important parenting lesson in Letting Go.
Frume Sarah talks about her mother and smoking in Ongoing, while Rickismom talks pottery and relationships in In a Split Second, and Elle waxes poetic about her impending move in sentimental me.
Kosher Beers reviews Shiner Double Wheat 102. Yum. I think?
Schvach talks aging and Bob Dylan in AARP as History.
Harry talks about an odd baby-name chosen in Israel, in Do you like Like?
Israel
Harry has an interesting retrospective on Kupat Cholim in Nostalgia Sunday – 100 Years of Healthcare.
Nakba while still on the agenda, as Ben-Yehudah offered a Nakba النكبة Day Wrap-Up! and Batya presented The Most Dangerous Ramification of Yesterday's “Nakba” Riots and Invasion. This while Cosmic X compares Nakba Day and V-E Day in The Super Nakba is Coming.
Daniela reviews Osem's Pizza Ketchup and Milka's Milkinis Chocolate.
Batya presents A Georgraphical History of Israel, This Neck of the Middle East.
A Walker in Jerusalem presents Walls and values. Maybe she could go for a long walk with Batya. Or they could just take the train, since Batya’s Getting Impatient.
Joel Katz talks religion, politics and more in Religion and State in Israel - May 16, 2011 (Section 1) and Religion and State in Israel - May 16, 2011 (Section 2).
I learned quite a bit when I asked, Who owns the Holocaust – Israel or the Diaspora?
And you’re probably not thinking about Shemitah at the moment, but the wondrous Menachem Butler offers Shemitta; (How) to observe, or not at the Michtavim blog.
Judaism
R’ Gil Student discusses justifications for dishonesty in Abortion and Deception, at Hirhurim.
Josh Waxman describes a confluence of Evangelical and Kabbalistic predictons of the end of the world, in The world ends tomorrow, the day before Lag BaOmer.
Chaviva is running an interesting survey with The Tzniut Project, and Risa offers her response at Hair we go again!.
Rabbi Yehoishophot Oliver presents Learning Torah with humility, and also talks Pesach Sheni and second chances at Pesach Sheni: A second chance. For more on Pesach Sheni and Second Chances, check out Once again, with feeling! at Ki Yachol Nuchal.
I offered a suggestion for shul’s looking for help collecting a minyan, in Come to minyan, get a free batting helmet.
Susan Barnes makes a few points about labels and self-labels in Why the Current Use of the Term “Torah Jew” is a Chilul Hashem.
Josh Waxman takes on Reader Response -- Is it good to debunk Torah Codes?.
Leah-Perl Shollar inveighs on the definition of “melachah” in Lawsuit Over Jews’ Shabbos House: Work and Rest.
Finally, Chaviva is raising funds, and along with it sharing an interesting story, at Saving a Sefer Torah.
And that’s it for this week; tune in next time at Frume Sarah for Haveil Havalim #305! And in case Blog Carnival is back up and running, submit your posts here.
For those who saw the original title: I changed it because I don't want to let the CEO of Canada South hijack this week's Haveil Havalim. He'll get his due with an entire section in the posts below, but that's it.
And now for the boilerplate:
Founded by Soccer Dad, Haveil Havalim is a carnival of Jewish blogs -- a weekly collection of Jewish and Israeli blog highlights, tidbits and points of interest collected from blogs all around the world. It's hosted by different bloggers each week and coordinated by the formidable Jack And as usual, I include all posts submitted, regardless of my personal opinion on their contents, and I added some from my own browsing.
Post of the Week
Rabbi Daniel Rapp writes movingly about a mentor in Learning from Rabbi Dr. Aaron Levine at Hirhurim.
Lag ba’Omer!
Jacob Richman offers a guide to Educational websites about Lag Ba'Omer, and Rafi has a piece on Rav Shteinman's psak on Lag ba'Omer in Meron at Life in Israel.
Is Lag ba’Omer really Saturday night-Sunday? Check out Harry’s Lag b’Omer is Saturday night. Or maybe not.
And Our Shiputzim talks about the real Iyar Challenge“.
The Obama Speech
My favorite critique is here, at Andrew Breitbart’s Big Hollywood: Gene Simmons Slams President Obama’s Israel Policy.
And perhaps the Arab world didn’t like it either, says Elder of Ziyon.
Matityahu Ben-Yosef presents Stanley Goldfoot’s Zionist Response to Obama’s Middle East Speech, and Batya presents Obama Has Taken Off the Mask
Cosmic X goes point-by-point with The Obama Plan Not Grounded in Middle East Reality, and Yip Bop adds With Friends Like These, Who Needs Friends? - News Beyond News!.
Joe-Settler puts it simply: Netanyahu Bibi-Slaps Obama, at the Muqata, while Eric looks at recent history of US-Israel relations in The Democrats and Israel.
The Personal and the Off-Beat
ProfK offers Paraprosdokians to lighten the day at Conversations in Klal.
Jack needs 50 comments at, well, This post requires 50 comments...Ready...Go...
Kindred Spirit writes personally and powerfully in Leap of Faith, and Mystery Woman details an important parenting lesson in Letting Go.
Frume Sarah talks about her mother and smoking in Ongoing, while Rickismom talks pottery and relationships in In a Split Second, and Elle waxes poetic about her impending move in sentimental me.
Kosher Beers reviews Shiner Double Wheat 102. Yum. I think?
Schvach talks aging and Bob Dylan in AARP as History.
Harry talks about an odd baby-name chosen in Israel, in Do you like Like?
Israel
Harry has an interesting retrospective on Kupat Cholim in Nostalgia Sunday – 100 Years of Healthcare.
Nakba while still on the agenda, as Ben-Yehudah offered a Nakba النكبة Day Wrap-Up! and Batya presented The Most Dangerous Ramification of Yesterday's “Nakba” Riots and Invasion. This while Cosmic X compares Nakba Day and V-E Day in The Super Nakba is Coming.
Daniela reviews Osem's Pizza Ketchup and Milka's Milkinis Chocolate.
Batya presents A Georgraphical History of Israel, This Neck of the Middle East.
A Walker in Jerusalem presents Walls and values. Maybe she could go for a long walk with Batya. Or they could just take the train, since Batya’s Getting Impatient.
Joel Katz talks religion, politics and more in Religion and State in Israel - May 16, 2011 (Section 1) and Religion and State in Israel - May 16, 2011 (Section 2).
I learned quite a bit when I asked, Who owns the Holocaust – Israel or the Diaspora?
And you’re probably not thinking about Shemitah at the moment, but the wondrous Menachem Butler offers Shemitta; (How) to observe, or not at the Michtavim blog.
Judaism
R’ Gil Student discusses justifications for dishonesty in Abortion and Deception, at Hirhurim.
Josh Waxman describes a confluence of Evangelical and Kabbalistic predictons of the end of the world, in The world ends tomorrow, the day before Lag BaOmer.
Chaviva is running an interesting survey with The Tzniut Project, and Risa offers her response at Hair we go again!.
Rabbi Yehoishophot Oliver presents Learning Torah with humility, and also talks Pesach Sheni and second chances at Pesach Sheni: A second chance. For more on Pesach Sheni and Second Chances, check out Once again, with feeling! at Ki Yachol Nuchal.
I offered a suggestion for shul’s looking for help collecting a minyan, in Come to minyan, get a free batting helmet.
Susan Barnes makes a few points about labels and self-labels in Why the Current Use of the Term “Torah Jew” is a Chilul Hashem.
Josh Waxman takes on Reader Response -- Is it good to debunk Torah Codes?.
Leah-Perl Shollar inveighs on the definition of “melachah” in Lawsuit Over Jews’ Shabbos House: Work and Rest.
Finally, Chaviva is raising funds, and along with it sharing an interesting story, at Saving a Sefer Torah.
And that’s it for this week; tune in next time at Frume Sarah for Haveil Havalim #305! And in case Blog Carnival is back up and running, submit your posts here.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Parenting a needier child
This Shabbos I'm starting a new series, on "Parenting from the Torah". We'll be looking at advice from Tanach, midrash, gemara and later authorities on some of the big issues we face today. Our first class will be on parenting "needier" children.
Specifically, we'll look at two questions: (1) How do we treat a child's special needs without undermining his self-confidence? (2) How do we treat a child's special needs without causing jealousy from his siblings?
I'm not offering "Parenting Tips" here. First, I'm no better at parenting than anyone else. Second, the Torah doesn't provide clear, unambiguous guidance on parenting issues. Rather, it's going to be a discussion. But I do plan to emphasize certain points, including:
1. All of Jewish education is structured around the idea that every child has unique needs, and we are supposed to take those unique needs into account;
2. Children must know that they have your commitment to take as long as needed, and to work as creatively as needed, to help them;
3. Children must be rewarded for effort and investment, and must be encouraged in the skills and talents they have;
4. Siblings will be emphathetic and understanding if their relationships with each other are strengthened.
Here's the source sheet I plan to use:
Specifically, we'll look at two questions: (1) How do we treat a child's special needs without undermining his self-confidence? (2) How do we treat a child's special needs without causing jealousy from his siblings?
I'm not offering "Parenting Tips" here. First, I'm no better at parenting than anyone else. Second, the Torah doesn't provide clear, unambiguous guidance on parenting issues. Rather, it's going to be a discussion. But I do plan to emphasize certain points, including:
1. All of Jewish education is structured around the idea that every child has unique needs, and we are supposed to take those unique needs into account;
2. Children must know that they have your commitment to take as long as needed, and to work as creatively as needed, to help them;
3. Children must be rewarded for effort and investment, and must be encouraged in the skills and talents they have;
4. Siblings will be emphathetic and understanding if their relationships with each other are strengthened.
Here's the source sheet I plan to use:
Introduction
1. R’ Dr. Abraham Twerski and Dr. Ursula Schwartz, Positive Parenting, pg. 247
Parenting is not a canned activity. It is not something that even the best-programmed robot could do. Parenting consists of creating a relationship with a child and connecting with him in a deep and harmonious way.
We know that we need to provide for each child’s needs
2. Mishlei 22:6, R’ Shimshon Raphael Hirsch translation
חנך לנער על פי דרכו גם כי יזקין לא יסור ממנה:
Raise the boy according to the course his life will take when he is grown; then he will not depart from it even in his old age.
3. Rabbi Shimshon Raphael Hirsch, Thoughts on Education, Collected Writings 7:419
The fact that the maxim חנוך לנער על פי דרכו directs our attention separately to each individual child whose education has been entrusted to us, and bids us raise each of our children according to the future course of his life, should make us mindful of yet another reflection that is no less worthy of our consideration: Every child must be raised as an individual… The practical means by which we are to guide each individual child to this height of pure devotion to duty are not the same. They are as different from one another as the tendencies and abilities, the temperaments and proclivities, the intellectual and emotional potential are in each individual personality. Every shoe does not fit all feet. The objective of our educational work should be to raise children as different as Jacob and Esau in such a manner that both of them will grow up to be good and capable men. But if this purpose is to be achieved, the two cannot be raised by the same method.
4. Talmud, Succah 28b
קטן שאינו צריך לאמו [חייב בסוכה] היכי דמי קטן שאינו צריך לאמו? אמרי דבי רבי ינאי כל שנפנה ואין אמו מקנחתו רבי שמעון בן לקיש אומר כל שנעור משנתו ואינו קורא אמא. גדולים נמי קרו! אלא כל שנעור ואינו קורא אמא אמא.
A child who does not need his mother [is obligated to sit in the Succah]. At what stage does a child no longer need his mother? In the yeshiva of R’ Yannai they said: When he does not need his mother to clean him after he uses the washroom. R’ Shimon ben Lakish said: When he wakes up without calling, “Mommy!” But don’t older people do this as well? Rather: When he wakes up without calling, “Mommy! Mommy!”
5. Rabbi Moshe Feinstein, Igrot Moshe Yoreh Deah 4:29
והנה שודאי חייבים במצוות כשהביאו שערות והם בני י"ג ובנות י"ב ויש חיוב על האבות ללמדם מה שאפשר להם מקטנותם בזמן ששייך שיבינו לפי כוחם. ולא בבני שש שמחוייבין להתחיל עם סתם ילדים, אלא בזמן שמכיר כל אחד על בנו שכבר שייך ללמוד איתו הוא הזמן ללמדו
Certainly, they are obligated in mitzvot once they reach physical maturity, at the age of 12 or 13, and there is an obligation upon their parents to teach them whatever is possible from the time they are still minors. This is not at the age of six, as it is obligatory for other children, but rather at the time when each parent sees that his child may learn with him.
Maintain his optimism
6. Talmud, Eruvin 54b
רבי פרידא הוה ליה ההוא תלמידא דהוה תני ליה ארבע מאה זימני וגמר יומא חד בעיוה למלתא דמצוה תנא ליה ולא גמר אמר ליה האידנא מאי שנא אמר ליה מדההיא שעתא דאמרו ליה למר איכא מילתא דמצוה אסחאי לדעתאי וכל שעתא אמינא השתא קאי מר השתא קאי מר אמר ליה הב דעתיך ואתני ליך
R’ Preida had a student who would only learn after R’ Preida taught him a lesson 400 times. One day, R’ Preida was asked to participate in a mitzvah [which would take place after the lesson], and he taught the student but the student could not learn. He asked, “Why is it different now?” The student replied, “From the moment I heard them tell my master that there was a mitzvah to pursue, I could not focus. At every moment I said, ‘Now the master will leave, now the master will leave.’” R’ Preida said to him, “Pay attention, and I will teach you”…
7. Bereishit 4:3-4
ויהי מקץ ימים ויבא קין מפרי האדמה מנחה לד': והבל הביא גם הוא מבכרות צאנו ומחלבהן וישע ד' אל הבל ואל מנחתו:
And it was, at the end of days, Kayin brought a gift to Gd from the fruit of the land. And Hevel also brought from the first of his sheep, and their fat. And Gd turned to Hevel and to his offering.
8. Midrash, Shemot Rabbah 40:4
הגדול והקטן שוין לפני המקום, בצלאל משל יהודה ואהליאב מדן והוא מזדווג לו, אמר ר' חנינא הגדול והקטן שוים... המשכן בשני שבטים אלו נעשה, וכן המקדש, שלמה מיהודה וחירם (מלכים א ז) בן אשה אלמנה ממטה נפתלי
Great and small are equal before Gd; Betzalel was from Yehudah and Ahaliav was from Dan, and he was paired with him. R’ Chanina said: Great and small are equal… The Mishkan was created by these two tribes. So was the Beit haMikdash – Solomon from Yehudah, with Chiram, “the son of a widow from the tribe of Naftali.”
9. R’ Dr. Abraham Twerski and Dr. Ursula Schwartz, Positive Parenting, pg. 257
Medication does not do homework, medication does not practice the new pasukim, and medication does not read the chapter in social studies. It is they who do the learning, who practice their new assignments, who do the homework and who organize and plan their time and tasks in a better fashion.
The other siblings
10. Midrash, Bereishit Rabbah 84:8
ר"ל בשם רבי אלעזר בן עזריה אמר צריך אדם שלא לשנות בן מבניו שע"י כתונת פסים שעשה אבינו יעקב ליוסף וישנאו אותו
Reish Lakish said, citing R’ Elazar ben Azaryah: One must not vary his treatment of one child among others, for via the striped cloak that our father Yaakov made for Yosef, ‘They hated him.’
11. Rashbam to Bereishit 37:2
והוא נער את בני בלהה וגו' - נערותו ורגילותו ומשתאיו היו עם בני בלהה ובני זלפה. ומתוך כך התחילו אחיו בני לאה לשנוא אותו:
‘And he was a youth with the children of Bilhah…’ His youth and his habits and his drinking were with the children of Bilhah and Zilpah, and so his brothers, children of Leah, began to hate him.
12. Talmud, Megilah 16a-b
לכלם נתן לאיש חלפות שמלת ולבנימן נתן חמש חליפת אפשר דבר שנצטער בו אותו צדיק יכשל בו דאמר רבא בר מחסיא אמר רב חמא בר גוריא אמר רב בשביל משקל שני סלעים מילת שהוסיף יעקב ליוסף משאר אחיו נתגלגל הדבר וירדו אבותינו למצרים אמר רבי בנימין בר יפת רמז רמז לו שעתיד בן לצאת ממנו שיצא מלפני המלך בחמשה לבושי מלכות שנאמר ומרדכי יצא בלבוש מלכות תכלת וגו'
‘He gave to all of them, to each he gave changes of clothes, and to Binyamin he gave five changes of clothes’ – Can it be that the righteous one who was pained in this manner would now stumble in the same thing? For Rava bar Machsiya said that because of the two measures of silk which Yaakov added for Yosef over his brothers, the matter developed and our ancestors descended to Egypt!
Rabbi Binyamin bar Yefet explained: Yosef hinted to Binyamin that he would have a descendant who would go out before the king in five royal garments, as it is written, ‘And Mordechai went out in royal garb…’
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