What sort of questions should you ask a rabbi?

A while back (in response to my post on Choosing a Rabbi) I was asked: “for what types of questions do you think a person needs to turn to a rabbi.”

I replied: "What time is it," "Will it rain today," "What is my favorite color," that sort of thing.

My questioner pressed: i don't understand. why would i ask a rabbi those questions?

To which I answered:
"What time is it" - To know when to daven.
"Will it rain today" - To know whether to put on a raincoat.
"What is my favorite color" - To figure out which suit I should get.
All right, fine. It's just my sense of humor. In truth, the answer is that this is a very vague issue, without a clear resolution. I might post on this in the next week or so.


It’s been three months rather than a week, but here are two thoughts on the topic. They're really just common sense, but you asked...


1) Ask the right person
It is popular to ridicule chasidim who consult with their Rebbe about a business venture, or about a medical treatment. People allege that a Rebbe will overstep his knowledge and experience, advising followers with his “Daas Torah” on areas about which he knows nothing.

Many of the ridiculers are simply insecure about their own reliance upon - or non-reliance upon - advice from the Torah. In general, people who ridicule betray a problem of their own. (cf כל הפוסל במומו פוסל - Those who insult others, do so regarding a blemish they see in themselves.)

In truth, though, I do agree that this sort of overreach is a potential problem – but it’s easy to solve: Just choose a humble mentor who knows his own limits. As the gemara (Chagigah 15b) advises, choose a mentor who appears to you like a מלאך, an angel - and angels (with a couple of notable midrashic exceptions) have no ego.

Humility is very easy to identify – pick someone who regularly uses the magic words, “I don’t know,” “I’m not sure,” and the like.


2) Know what sort of answer you expect.
If the mentor knows his own limits, then what remains is for the questioner to manage his own expectations. Ask a rabbi any question you like, but know what you want in terms of an answer.

An answer may be פסק (halachic ruling): מותר, אסור, Do this, Don’t do that.
Example: I can ask about basketball on shabbos, or mixed swimming, or organ donation, and expect a clear halachic analysis.

An answer may be חוות דעתו (expression of his opinion): Based on my knowledge of Torah and my life experience, consider X path.
Example: I can ask about schools for my children, and my mentor can give me the benefit of his experience.

An answer may be Food for thought: Here are a few aspects to contemplate.
Example: I can ask a mentor about a potential move - expecting my mentor to point out issues of potential concern.

And an answer may be Guidance: Assistance in figuring out the right questions to ask, as well as the right answer.
Example: I can ask my rebbe about dating, and my rebbe can help direct my thinking.

So know what type of response you seek. Also, make sure to convey that information as part of the question. This is important so that your rabbi will not feel pressed to extend his advice beyond his reliable pool of knowledge.


Once you have both of those elements - the humble mentor and a clear understanding of what type of answer you expect - ask any question you like. Business, medicine, where to live, halachah, hashkafah, anything is safe.


And, by the way: It’s 10:00 AM, weather.com says it will rain here today, and your favorite color is pine green. Or puce; I'm humbly uncertain.

Choose a rabbi you can follow

For the past ten years I've been sending out daily "Torah Thought" emails, which I began archiving here one year ago. Occasionally readers reply with questions or comments, and last week I had an interesting exchange with a friend/commenter regarding the role of a rabbi.

The original "Torah Thought" (from Menachot 99b):
"Ben Dama, the nephew of R’ Yishmael, asked R’ Yishmael: I have learned the entire Torah. May someone like me study Greek wisdom?

"R’ Yishmael responded by citing this verse (Joshua 1): ‘This Torah scroll will not leave your mouth, and you will speak of it day and night.’ Go find a time which is neither day nor night, and during that time you may study Greek wisdom."


To which my commenter asked:
Does one truly understand this Gemara to mean that one should not study things other than Torah?, or that it's okay as long as it is not "Greek wisdom" or presumably other philosophy? What is the halacha l'meisah re: this exhortation?

To which I replied:
That, my friend, is one of the truly eternal debates, and the halachah l'maaseh varies among many points of view.

And so my commenter asked:
Given the debate and difference among different knowledgeable people, am I free to choose the view that is most compelling and convincing to me? And, is it then important to be sure that one's Rav sizes up the answer similarly to the one asking the question?


This is where the discussion transcended the specific realm of Torah study vs. secular study and became a general discussion about the rabbi's role:

1) Can I (as student/congregant) choose between valid opinions on my own, or do I need to consult a rabbi?

2) If I need to consult a rabbi, how do I choose one? Or should I be choosing at all - perhaps I should just accept the person the geographic community around me accepts?

To which I would say the following:

First: I believe, per Avot 2:1, that I may not make a decision like the one mentioned above about Torah/secular study on my own; I need the counsel of objective others, or at least an objective other - a rabbinic expert. I am biased by my own preferences, and may not read the sources accurately in making this decision.

Second: I must choose a rabbi rather than follow whoever is around; see Eruvin 47b, which notes that not every rabbi is a good fit for everyone.

Third: So how do I choose a rabbi? I believe that I must choose a rabbi I can follow, meaning one whose orientation and approach is one I can understand and accept. Of course, that orientation and approach must be firmly grounded in Torah sources and in solid mentors, but I must also feel that I will be able to find myself in his Torah, that his guidance will help me grow in Torah.

At the same time, going back to my earlier point, I cannot choose a specific rabbi because his opinions and practices mirror my own. Then I would be my own rabbi - which is as bad as being your own lawyer or barber. Rather, I should choose a rabbi who will, again, help me to grow, even demand that I grow, along a path that is consistent with Torah and with my ideals and personality.

And so I replied:
I'd say we all need an objective Torah voice, someone with nothing to gain and with a view anchored in Torah, to help us answer these questions for ourselves. We are too biased by our own experiences and interests. That person, I'd think, should be one's Rav.

But I'm a rabbi by profession, so maybe I'm biased. What do you think?