Ha'aretz reports: Miracles in Israeli Elections Carry Livni to Victory

(With apologies here and here and especially to Rochel Imenu here.)

Ha'aretz (not!) is reporting that as Israeli elections came to a close, numerous stories circulated in Tel Aviv about Divine intervention guiding voters safely through the elections.

From tales of men who were on their way to vote for right-wing parties and were held back as their Tzitzit became entangled in chairs, to the Central Election Committee’s decision to prohibit Gd from blessing Israeli voters who cast votes for Torah parties, the realm of the supernatural was unusually involved in Tuesday’s ballot.

Avigdor Lieberman was seen wandering the streets in an exhilarated fog, mumbling, “נס מן השמים, It’s a miracle from Heaven,” thanking Gd for the narrow gap between Kadima and Likud that would enable him to play kingmaker in upcoming coalition talks. Lieberman denied outright the allegations that he had sold his soul to Satan, though.

Perhaps the most striking story was repeated by dozens of Tel Aviv voters. Speaking in tones of awe, and telling remarkably consistent stories, they reported seeing a woman in black on various street corners and outside polling stations, warning them away from traffic jams and voting sites with long lines, directing them elsewhere to cast their ballots. “Get out of here! It’s dangerous!” she was reported to have shouted at them in Arabic.

Many reported that the woman advised them to vote for Tzipi Livni, and even slipped them 100-shekel bills as they emerged from voting.

The woman was mysterious, dressed in black pants and a black shirt. Some voters were brave enough to address her directly, and ask for her name. She smiled and replied only, איזבל אמכם (your mother Jezebel), and disappeared.