tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7898782635470765614.post3933406955424640709..comments2023-09-11T17:58:13.764-04:00Comments on The Rebbetzin's Husband: Why our children need self-esteemThe Rebbetzin's Husbandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14977193945074906534noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7898782635470765614.post-67721659001189127032010-02-03T19:54:45.803-05:002010-02-03T19:54:45.803-05:00Marc-
Why do you assume that this (sheltering) is ...Marc-<br />Why do you assume that this (sheltering) is what is being attacked?<br /><br />Jack-<br />Yup.<br /><br />Dittohead-<br />I meant Michael Savage.The Rebbetzin's Husbandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14977193945074906534noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7898782635470765614.post-10803905654877971272010-02-03T19:04:48.590-05:002010-02-03T19:04:48.590-05:00To which Michael are you referring? There are at ...To which Michael are you referring? There are at least 2 (who are both Jewish)!Dittoheadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7898782635470765614.post-13329447629048997282010-02-03T12:15:14.479-05:002010-02-03T12:15:14.479-05:00This is important and as was said so is balance. I...This is important and as was said so is balance. I think that we need to teach our children how to cope with failure.<br /><br />When things go wrong they need to know what to do, but at the same time you don't want to let them be crushed by it.Jack Steinerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16625864271071630940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7898782635470765614.post-23627484394993203302010-02-03T08:36:59.306-05:002010-02-03T08:36:59.306-05:00There is a broad chasm between the two, but it app...There is a broad chasm between the two, but it appears to me that the problem (and what is being attacked) is not a middle ground but the sheltering from defeat.<br /><br />When I was in 10th grade our English literature teacher said at the beginning of the year that he could care less whether a person took 20 minutes or 20 hours to write a paper. He would grade based on results alone. This might seem harsh (but he tried so hard, can't you give my son a break?), but in the real world the people who write our paychecks require results, not effort. This is because the customers don't care how hard we work; they merely want results. Do you care how hard it was to build your house, or do you care for the quality? It doesn't matter how hard they worked if your roof leaks.<br /><br />By all means we should encourage our kids to work hard, but we should not confuse effort with results.Marchttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07338634487443993430noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7898782635470765614.post-100851173801189212010-02-03T08:25:46.040-05:002010-02-03T08:25:46.040-05:00Joel-
Then I misunderstood your statement that a c...Joel-<br />Then I misunderstood your statement that a child should appreciate his gifts "without letting everyone else know..." That was what I took as external.<br /><br />Marc-<br />Is there not a broad chasm between sheltering children from defeat and depriving children of praise?<br /><br />AA-<br />All sounds good and reasonable to me; thanks for commenting.<br /><br />Therapydoc-<br />Thanks! Phone in the back seat is a step I'm not ready to take, but no texting/emailing, certainly.The Rebbetzin's Husbandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14977193945074906534noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7898782635470765614.post-37585285174513971392010-02-02T23:43:04.749-05:002010-02-02T23:43:04.749-05:00Of course I'm honored, Rabbi. I wonder what y...Of course I'm honored, Rabbi. I wonder what your readers (and you) are going to think about my next post (should say eventual post if not next) on the upside of failure. Drive safe, please.therapydochttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05088184676439578876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7898782635470765614.post-31702967033753294352010-02-02T22:59:45.653-05:002010-02-02T22:59:45.653-05:00Self-esteem comes not from being told that you are...Self-esteem comes not from being told that you are good, but from being shown how good you are. Every little kid holds up their project and yells "I did it!". The hard part is helping them continue to take that pride in their accomplishments as they get older. They need challenges that they can work at, and see themselves overcome.<br /><br />My boys have been involved in Scouting, which is full of structured, reachable goals. It also puts the kid up against his own skills and abilities, not those of others (as you get in competitive sports). As a Scout leader, we are taught to let them do things for themselves, even if it takes a few extra tries. Self-respect, like any respect, should be earned. <br /><br />To teach a kid self-respect, the best thing is to catch them being good, and make sure they recognize themselves for the things they do well.Another Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7898782635470765614.post-50477493559537857412010-02-02T12:25:21.455-05:002010-02-02T12:25:21.455-05:00I don't think the pontificating is directed to...I don't think the pontificating is directed towards the basic concept of self-esteem. Today the concept of self-esteem has been taken to an extreme. The extremism is shown when schools ban competitive games because the losers might feel a lack of self-esteem. <br /><br />Self-esteem is not produced by sheltering kids from losing, but rather by teaching them to handle losing gracefully. It isn't produced by sheltering kids from insults, but rather by teaching kids how to react (or not to react) to insults.<br /><br />True self-esteem comes from knowing you can handle life adventures. That is the kind of self-esteem we all need. The kind that people like Rush (and myself for that matter) object to is the phony kind that comes from not acknowledging that we are not perfect. Nine times out of ten such people have low self-esteem. The one time out of ten is probably as close to sociopathic as can be produced by society.Marchttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07338634487443993430noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7898782635470765614.post-78176149733917586792010-02-02T12:24:29.651-05:002010-02-02T12:24:29.651-05:00Where I disagree that I believe humility is also i...Where I disagree that I believe humility is also internal, not only external.<br />=================<br />I didn't mean to say that-if anything it is more internal if defined as I defined it .<br /><br />BTW R'A Rakeffet is good for driving listening.<br />KT<br />Joel RichAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7898782635470765614.post-48778834850185288522010-02-02T08:14:45.130-05:002010-02-02T08:14:45.130-05:00Joel-
Agreed, sort of. I do believe that both can/...Joel-<br />Agreed, sort of. I do believe that both can/must be maintained. Where I disagree that I believe humility is also internal, not only external.<br /><br />SuperRaizy-<br />Agreed; the question, of course, is how to get there...<br /><br />Fruma-<br />Indeed. I am not a fan of the idea of unrealistic praise, and I do think we should help our children set their sights high.The Rebbetzin's Husbandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14977193945074906534noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7898782635470765614.post-66153964248016394132010-02-02T07:18:43.589-05:002010-02-02T07:18:43.589-05:00Another cause for low self-esteem is low expectati...Another cause for low self-esteem is low expectations. If we don't instill in our children that they are capable of more, they won't believe it. We do need to instill a sense of self-esteem (not over-entitlement), but that also doesn't mean praising everything a child does -- especially when both parties know the child is under-performing.Frumanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7898782635470765614.post-52956673977242376772010-02-02T07:13:55.076-05:002010-02-02T07:13:55.076-05:00Good post, important topic.
I think that balance ...Good post, important topic. <br />I think that balance is the key here. You want to promote a healthy amount of self worth and confidence, but not instill an unrealistic sense of entitlement. <br />(My teenage nephew sums this up well when he says, in a sarcastic exaggerated little-boy voice "I'm the best guy in the whole world. My Mommy says that I'm very very special").SuperRaizyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06742653185025562286noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7898782635470765614.post-3271120089625049362010-02-02T05:32:53.562-05:002010-02-02T05:32:53.562-05:00wadr imho humility and self esteem are not necessa...wadr imho humility and self esteem are not necessarily bar plugta's - a bright kid can be encouraged to appreciate the gift hkb"h gave them without letting everyone else know he is a tulip and not a rose (like the kids don't know which is the smart group). Humility means knowing the source, not denying the gift.<br /><br />KT<br />Joel RichAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com