tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7898782635470765614.post4564884340968870076..comments2023-09-11T17:58:13.764-04:00Comments on The Rebbetzin's Husband: On feeling a profound absence of generosityThe Rebbetzin's Husbandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14977193945074906534noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7898782635470765614.post-19444028469270302512013-07-14T20:47:10.972-04:002013-07-14T20:47:10.972-04:00Shalom-
Maybe they expressed a desire for mechilah...Shalom-<br />Maybe they expressed a desire for mechilah b'lev shalem because they wanted you to know they were sincere, and not asking pro forma?<br /><br />Batya-<br />Thank you.<br /><br />bratschegirl-<br />Thanks; yes, I am a little familiar with CBT, on a lay level.<br />Re: eliminating feelings - It reminds me of the debate regarding the 10th of the Ten Commandments, not to covet. Some commentators say that it is possible to eliminate coveting, while others take an approach similar to yours here.<br /><br />Michael-<br />Indeed, I do use the Zichron Binyomin scrip, at shul; I don't normally carry cash, so this is perfect. <br />For the door, though, I hate to say it but the krechtz is more about the disturbance than it is about the money...The Rebbetzin's Husbandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14977193945074906534noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7898782635470765614.post-57308798812573573712013-07-13T19:17:44.911-04:002013-07-13T19:17:44.911-04:00When I lived in Toronto, I used to buy Tzedaka vou...When I lived in Toronto, I used to buy Tzedaka vouchers from Zichron Binyamin. They made it much easier for me to give tzedaka to meshulachim at the door, not only saving the time and cost of writing a cheque, but also my frame of mind, and likely my generosity.<br /><br />How so?<br /><br />I would buy the amount I needed to meet my maaser commitments. One online credit card transaction, every month or so. That was the more difficult part. Once I did that, and I received the vouchers, to me psychologically, they were no longer my money (I couldn't go out to the supermarket using them!). They were out of my realm, kind of like hekdesh, and my job was only to disburse them as a gabbai tzedaka to deserving recipients.<br /><br />At least for me, it minimized the "krechtz", but being human, I was sometimes a bit annoyed when three carloads came within ten minutes of each other!<br /><br />PS For chinuch when our kids were young, we used to give them the cheque to give to the meshulach along with a glass of water. <br /><br />Michael Mirskymirskymhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09169273326827222473noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7898782635470765614.post-29194727720962020542013-07-12T14:48:02.587-04:002013-07-12T14:48:02.587-04:00"Certainly, the point made by the Sefer haChi..."Certainly, the point made by the Sefer haChinuch (216) that generous deeds will help inspire generosity of spirit, is a start."<br /><br />Did you know that this is also the cornerstone of cognitive behavioral therapy? Motivation follows action.<br /><br />A teacher of mindfulness meditation would tell you that nobody gets to the point where they never have an ungenerous thought or impulse, and that should not be your goal. The point is what you do with those thoughts and feelings. Can you acknowledge them when they arise and then let them go, with no further engagement, without letting yourself dwell on them and therefore suffer with anger and resentment toward the persons importuning you? Can you let them go without anger directed toward yourself for "failing" by having them, and holding onto that in a way that brings about suffering? Accept what is, and then act in the right way.bratschegirlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7898782635470765614.post-52035235150486167502013-07-12T03:44:55.443-04:002013-07-12T03:44:55.443-04:00This blog post has been included in Shiloh Musings...This blog post has been included in <a href="http://shilohmusings.blogspot.co.il/2013/07/nine-days-havel-havelim-what-to-read.html" rel="nofollow">Shiloh Musings: Nine Days' Havel Havelim, What to Read Online</a>. Please visit and of course <strong>share</strong> and read & share all of the other posts included in this edition. If you haven't already, you're welcome to join the Havel Havelim jblog community.<br />Shabbat Shalom u'Mevorach<br />May you and your dear ones enjoy a very blessed and peaceful Shabbat.Batyahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09402874037427009327noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7898782635470765614.post-16952938700641274382013-07-11T03:01:47.958-04:002013-07-11T03:01:47.958-04:00They say a young R' Chaim Volozhiner went to t...They say a young R' Chaim Volozhiner went to the Vilna Gaon, shocked that he was still experiencing difficulties in complete control of his thoughts. And the Gaon told him -- "you're pushing for too much too fast, and you're not getting siyata dishmaya."<br /><br />Like the man d'amar that Yosef just obviously said "no" to Potiphar's wife and that's all there was to it, what do we call him? Yosef HaTzadik.<br /><br />Like the man d'amar that he came within a fraction of an inch of failing but then caught himself from actually going through with it, what do we call him? Yosef HaTzadik.<br /><br />I got annoyed at the guys in yeshiva for whom forgiveness wasn't enough, I had to insist to them it's "b'lev shalem." No actually for now it's more like a working truce and I'll keep myself busy thinking about other things than our past grudges, but give it a while and things can improve from there. (Sort of like boiling the frog, but in a positive way.) That's called being human.<br /><br />These are processes that take time; as you wisely said, it's important to have the right attitude so it's communicated to your kids, but at the same time there's the risk of excessive navel-gazing. Our goal isn't enlightened self-perfection for its own sake, our goal is fulfilling the will of G-d. (Cue Kuzari -- or the alienation I heard described by students of a mussar-trained mechanech of yesteryear for whom there seemed to be no pedagogical message whatsoever other than "if it feels good, don't do it.")Shalom Rosenfeldnoreply@blogger.com